NIAW 2010

National Infertility Awareness Week was moved this year from its former position in the fall to a week just prior to the dreaded Mother's and Father's Day... April 25 - May 2, 2010. Some say this is a very smart move by RESOLVE as it stirs up awareness and support for those who have it especially difficult during this season (I will post more on my MD feelings soon).

I don't have a personal reflection this year in honor of this week. In truth, I've been stuffing a lot of my IF issues down deep while we continue getting used to our children and the impending adoption and all the issues associated with "fostering". I will say that despite the stuffing, the feelings are still there; I just don't know how to talk about them right now.

I will say this: Be Aware! Be aware there are people in your life who don't have a choice when it comes to pregnancy and having children. Our choices are different ones... whether to take out astronomical loans just to go through diagnosis of medical issues to determine cause of infertility... whether to take out more loans to try different conception treatments... more money if we then decide to pursue the route of the adoption... more money for counseling to learn how to cope with all the emotional baggage of being "less than" a real woman or man, or the stress put on a marriage... whether or not to attend church because we know the talk will be about what a "blessing" it is to be pregnant and have children, the service will focus on the newly pregnant, newly birthed, newly baptized, newly confirmed, etc., things we will probably never get to experience ourselves and we'll just end up in tears and ruined for at least the rest of the day...

Please, just be aware. Getting pregnant and having a baby is not a given in this life and isn't something we should take for granted. It is a HUGE blessing and though you may feel it's just a natural, given part of life, it isn't for some of us. So don't brush us off with what you may feel are well-intended remarks meant to make us feel better... something like, "well, you can have my kids any day; they're great birth control!" One: it's disrespectful to your kids and two: it's disrespectful to the IF-laden person who doesn't need birth control to keep from getting pregnant in the first place.

I know I've pointed this out before, but here is some IF etiquette for friends and family who care to be aware.

Also, here is a new post from Stir.rup Qu.eens about the "what if" questions all us infertiles ask ourselves at least once throughout the journey so you can see some of the things we think about.

Have you hugged an infertile today?

Rescue Yourself

I just read this article about Jil.lian Mic.haels (the b*%#$ trainer from Big.gest Lo.ser)... here's a direct quote:

"I'm going to adopt. I can't handle doing that to my body," Mic.haels told the magazine. "Also, when you rescue something, it's like rescuing a part of yourself."

Needless to say, I have issues... (in a totally unrelated and silly side note, Hoser, those last 3 words are for you!!). Those issues are:

1) In regards to adoption, she talks about "rescuing something". SomeTHING? Seriously? Like babies and children are things to be rescued so you can feel better about yourself? I'm sorry. I thought adoption was about loving and caring for children because they need a good home and safe environment in which to grow up, or simply that they need LIFE, chosen in selflessness by their birthparents. Not about rescue, and especially not about rescue for the sake of rescuing yourself. Rescuing yourself from what?

I'm sure people think Gil and I chose to adopt because we're "rescuing" ourselves from infertility but that's not true. Adoption was never a Plan B for us. Gil and I each chose adoption before we ever met, and we discussed our desires to adopt in our first month of dating. It was never a Plan B but always an additional route we wanted to travel because of our love for children and wanting to parent multiple children and, yes, wanting to give life to a kid whose birthparents couldn't.

2) Even though my body may not be capable of becoming pregnant, it's what the woman's body was designed for. To choose adoption because you're so image-driven to have the "perfect" body and oh no! Getting pregnant would screw that up so let's adopt instead so my stomach can stay nice and flat and my hips won't get pushed out of alignment. It's a bit warped, if you ask me. But then again, I've never been a fan of Ms. Mic.haels and her demeaning demeanor in getting people to lose weight.

3) It must be nice to have a choice. Yes, that statement is pure jealousy. And I know jealousy is a deadly sin, and coveting goes against God's commandment, but I still deal with it. Yes, I am jealous, and a bit angry, with those who can just CHOOSE to get pregnant or not. They're not emotions I'm happy to have and they've caused a lot of grief in my life, but they're emotions I'm trying to control. And every year, I succeed a little bit better, with the help of the God Who made me in His image, made me perfect in His image.

Yeah, I have issues. And I'm working on them.

A Family Blessing

We are unable to baptize our children until they're legally adopted but my mom suggested having a "blessing" ceremony and a "welcome to the family celebration". So that's what we did today. The priest who married Gil and I was even the one to lead the blessing. It was such a treasure to walk into the church where I've received every Sacrament of my life and see our family and friends there to welcome our children into our family. We had a "baby shower" and luncheon afterward. There was a lot of visiting, which I had to cut short because I was being ordered to start opening gifts! It was a wonderfully blessed and beautiful day... my mom sure knows how to throw a party!

Here's our family photo in front of the alter, sans kids:

Z entertained himself by learning about the order of the Mass:

My dad explaining The Last Supper to L and B:

B showing off her fancy new tie-dye dress one of my friends made her. She absolutely loves it!

My Gram made L and Z ribbon shirts and B a ribbon dress. They'll wear these at their first powwow this next Friday.

And people were bringing children to Him that He might touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this He became indignant and said to them, "Let the children come to me; do not prevent them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Amen, I say to you, whoever does not accept the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it." Then He embraced them and blessed them, placing His hands on them. (Mark 10:13-16 NAB)

Child Abuse Prevention Month

April is nationally recognized as Child Abuse (& Neglect) Prevention or Awareness Month.

I get sick at the thought of how my children could have ended up if DCFS hadn't intervened thanks to the phone call of a very brave little girl who got scared when a strange man phoned and her parents were nowhere to be found. We'll get to meet that little girl later this month when she comes to visit, as she's our children's older sister.

Return Policy

What's the return policy on your children?

Excuse me?

Yeah, you heard that right. What is this world coming to that a mother would send her son back to his country of birth because she didn't want or know how to care for him? This news about a woman in Tenn.essee who sent her son (whom she adopted) back to Ru.s.sia about made me blow the roof off my house! Good grief.

Once you adopt - or make the decision to adopt, in my case - that child is YOURS. He's entrusted to you for at least the remainder of his formative years. If this had been her child by birth, what would she have done? Set him back on the doorstep of the hospital where he was born? NO. If she truly is a good mother, she would've done anything and everything possible to have him evaluated and, if necessary, treated for any mental instability he may have had. And since she not only adopted him but adopted him as an older child from an orphanage in another country, she SHOULD HAVE KNOWN the possibility of exhibiting certain behaviors could exist or even crop up unannounced at a later time in life. Did she not have to take pre-adoption classes and counseling? Even without those classes, I knew we could potentially face those issues with any adoptive placement we might receive.

Adopted or not, it just INFURIATES me beyond all belief that a mother would give her child back rather than seeking help. Disgusting.

Easter Blessings

The Easter Bunny was good to us this year. We have 3 kids! Yay! But EB was good to the kids, too. We had a busy weekend...

One of my cousins decided to get married on the 10-year anniversary of the first date to his sweetheart... that day just happened to fall on Easter (and his brother's birthday!). Due to this, our first holiday celebration with the kiddos was a bit messed up. Instead of the big Church and Feast day on Easter, we celebrated Saturday.

We went to Good Friday services and, truth be told, it was our first Church venture with the children. Our Sundays in the month leading up to this were busy with visits to the children, bringing the children home, letting them adjust a bit, rushing to visit Gil's uncle, etc. So we start 'em off good with a 2-hour service on Good Friday. And you know what? They were excellent! We got so many compliments on how well-behaved our children are! And Mass was right at noon so it was during their typical lunch and nap times. There were a couple of kids behind us talking and carrying on through the whole service but not ours. We were so proud. I only wish we could take the credit!

The Easter Bunny made his first appearance Friday night while we were dying Easter eggs... a little black bunny was in our front yard, just a few feet from our porch. The wind was howling and rain was falling so he was in a little ball and you could see the wind blowing his fur up from behind. I wish I would've thought to take pictures; the kids were ecstatic! They were even more ecstatic when they saw what that cute little ball of fluff left for them the next morning:

Yes, I figured out a way to post pictures of my children without posting pictures of my children! Their baskets each had the typical eggs and candy, of course, but they each got new spring jackets, a Berns.stein Bears book, and a movie.

We had a quick breakfast and then got our butts in gear to get out the door so we could make the drive to my parents and be there in time for lunch. Man oh man, I tell ya... trying to leave takes 3 times as long now with the kids... 3 hours instead of the 1 it used to take from start to finish. Yikes! I'm hoping to halve that time, at least.

After lunch, the kids opened their Easter baskets from my parents. While they were exclaiming and rejoicing in all that egg-stra fun, the Easter bunny called and said he left some surprises out in the yard! Imagine that... tracking us down all the way at my parents! The kids went berserk... especially after L spied an egg out the patio doors.

We rushed to get jackets on and the kids dumped the loot from their 2nd Easter baskets so they could use them to gather eggs. It actually started snowing while we were outside.

We spent the rest of the day relaxing and enjoying each others' company. Gil and Dad took the young'uns for a ride in the Mu.le up the hill. My brother came up and we enjoyed a nice Easter dinner (and really full bellies). We camped overnight and woke up to get ready for Church. We attended Mass with my parents and, again, the kids were fabulously well-behaved through a 1-1/2 hour long service. They got to meet a LOT of people who have prayed for us through this entire journey and shared the excitement when we found out about the kids. We took a few family photos after Mass before rushing off to my cousin's wedding... on the lake shore... where it was freezing!

But oh-so-nice. Weddings always make me happy and teary. J and C have been together for 10 years... they have 2 girls... and they are now officially married. It was a beautifully sunny day despite the chilly wind and thankfully, none of the snow from the previous day was evident.



It was a great Easter weekend.