30 Things: Me & PCOS

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

1. The illness I live with is: PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and Infertility

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2002… it was early February after a brain MRI scare in late January.

3. But I had symptoms since: the early 1990’s but probably dating back to 1987, though these symptoms are realized in retrospect.

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: This is too personal to share; only a handful of people will ever know.

5. Most people assume: I’m just fat because I like to eat.

6. The hardest part about mornings are: Getting out of bed. In addition to the PCOS, I also deal with insomnia and sciatica, chronic low back pain and oftentimes migraines. So it’s physically really difficult just to get out of bed.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: It used to be ER. Last season, I really liked Mercy. And who can forget M*A*S*H?

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: it begins and ends with an “R”.

9. The hardest part about nights are: Insomnia and disruptive sleep.

10. Each day I take 6-10 pills and/or vitamins. (Though I stopped all meds cold turkey when the kids came; I’ll be restarting them all by the end of this month after I visit my doctor Friday.)

11. Regarding alternative treatments I: am not open to acupuncture or drinking teas that make the taste buds run screaming from my tongue but would consider other options.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: Invisible; I don’t like drawing attention to myself.

13. Regarding working and career: Working is really hard when my emotional state is sooo tied up in my disease and all the side effects from it. Exhausting doesn't begin to cover it.

14. People would be surprised to know: Having kids doesn’t change the way infertility continues to make me feel.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: I don’t know if I’ve accepted it fully or not but the hardest thing, by far, is the infertility.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Lose weight. Then it came back. But I’ve done it once so I can do it again, right?!

17. The commercials about my illness: What commercials? There are none.

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Camping.

19. It was really hard to have to give up: a low-maintenance life.

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Charting. I wouldn’t describe it so much as a hobby but I definitely wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t have the disease.

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: I don’t know that I’ve ever felt “normal” so I don’t know what I’d do different.

22. My illness has taught me: My Faith is stronger than it appears and stronger than I feel.

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: “Here – If you really want kids, you can have mine!”

24. But I love it when people: Just hug me and not try to offer advice.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: God will never give me more than He knows I can handle. Cliché as it is, it’s true. Also, I continually remind myself things can always be worse and there are so many people in this world who don’t have it near as good as I do.

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: Don’t wait to take steps until you’re ready – be active against it NOW! It only gets worse with time.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: being able to find someone who loves me through all my insecurities and physical ailments and knowing he loves me regardless of all of it!

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: brought me a cup of coffee and just sat with me and talked about non-related things.

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: having one makes you sensitive to just how many people out there suffer and all the different ways we can suffer. I’ve always been pretty compassionate but I’m not nearly as judgmental as I used to be.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: valued.

Monday's Musings

I am thankful for... others who love me enough to pray for me when I'm unable to pray for myself.

Outside my window... slush and mud. Our winter thus far has consisted of a day or two of snowing, not accumulating more than an inch or two, followed by a week of sunshine and melting. Yuck. I just want some snow to pile on and be cold enough to stick with us for a month or so.

I am going... insane from stress and worry. I am not fearful of what my future holds but I do worry about loving the future God has planned for me.

I am reading... I'm still trying to get through Adopting the Hurt Child but honestly haven't read much else than medical records over the past week.

I am hoping... for some good news this week.

I am hearing... the tv. Mondays just aren't very exciting in my life.

One of my favorite things... hosting get-togethers... and I'm looking forward to having some family and friends over for the Su.per Bo.wl this coming weekend. We're going to have Indian tacos (mmm!). I'm also going to make spinach artichoke dip with toasted baguettes, mini weenie wraps, lots of fresh veggies. And we can't have football without beer.

Here is a picture I'm sharing... our friend and sister-by-choice. It's her birthday today. Happy Birthday, L!

Monday's Musings

I'm thankful for... renewed hope in the midst of despair.

Outside my window... snowflakes that barely deserve the name. I'm wishing for a deep and burying snowfall and we haven't yet received one this winter.

I am going... to try drinking more than a gallon of water every day. I hate drinking water because I hate going to the bathroom every half-hour to hour of the day.

I am reading... Adopting the Hurt Child in preparation of hopefully adopting an older child (or children) from the foster care system... someday.

I am hoping... to be able to sense and follow God's nudges down this journey where I often don't hear Him anymore.

I am hearing... the sounds of a movie that I'm watching to keep me company in Gil's absence.

One of my favorite things... puppies who curl up and tuck their noses underneath their tails.

Here is a picture I'm sharing... a ferris wheel from when we went to the fair a year and a half ago with some of our closest friends. I love ferris wheels and the child-like wonder they bring back.

Monday's Musings

I am thankful for... unconditional love of family by blood and family by choice. This past month and a half has been a huge struggle for me - physically, emotionally and spiritually. I am grateful for those who stand beside me and love me through it.

Outside my window... a pitch black sky with a beautiful shining sliver of moon and bright stars. It feels like a spring night out there rather than one supposedly in the dead middle of winter.

I am going... insane by reason of insomnia. I've been lucky enough to have my husband beside me every day and night for a solid month and this is our first night back into his traveling schedule. I miss him terribly.

I am reading... a fellow HP sister's blog and twitter feeds detailing their journey in trying to get their adoptive son home from Hai.ti, whether by immigration visa or huma.nitarian parole. She was in Hai.ti visiting her son when the quake struck.

I am hoping... for a better year than this past one (or three). Though there have been some joys and major blessings scattered in, the years since we were married have been tumultuous with grief, sorrow and being stressed to the max by crazy schedules and house projects.

I am hearing... a muted tv with news coverage of the destruction in Hai.ti. I thought looking at a tv screen with my burning eyes might prompt them to shut and allow me to go to sleep. So far, it's failed.

One of my favorite things... a raspberry limeade drink from one of my favorite burger places I figured out the recipe for! Mmm.

Here is a picture I'm sharing... our nieces (family by choice) square dancing; with those skirts, I just had to make them twirl! One of the last things I did before we moved was to go watch them at their performance capping off a session of square dance lessons. I still need to get them copies of these pictures. I just want them to know they are not forgotten and we miss them terribly.

Monday's Musings

I am thankful for... my family and those friends who have become my family. Without the love and support of others in my life right now, I'd be having an even more difficult time dealing with some current issues.

Outside my window... soft snowflakes fluttering down from the trees as the breeze flows through their naked limbs. It made it look like it was snowing today but the sky was clear and sun was shining!

I am going... to pray we're still able to take our planned trip to Germany next Christmas. Current events may eat into our trip savings.

I am reading... nothing. For once in my life, I have absolutely no desire. I hope it doesn't last long.

I am hoping... for good and honor and truth to prevail.

I am hearing... a roaring fire - yummy warmth!

One of my favorite things... Grandma's peanut brittle.

Here is a picture I'm sharing... this was our view Christmas Eve morning at my parents' house.

Monday's Musings

I am thankful for... patient and well-behaved puppies. I had a very long day (13 hours) in the office today and they stayed cooped up in there with me all day.

Outside my window... Snow, snow, snow! And cloudy overcast skies.

I am going... shopping for a few more Christmas decorations tomorrow. I have three times the house to decorate now and need to expand my stash!

I am reading... recipes for all the Christmas treats I plan to make this coming weekend.

I am hoping... my husband calls me soon. He's being the social butterfly and visiting some of our friends tonight while he's in our old town. I'm ready for bed and want to hear his voice before I fall asleep.

I am hearing... the tv as I'm catching up on some of my DVR'd shows.

One of my favorite things... moist and chewy brownies. Mmm.

Here is a picture I'm sharing... a picture I took today. It doesn't quite capture the amount of snow we have but I have a fondness for black and white tree pictures.

Monday's Musings

The "Simple Things" for which I'm grateful...

I am thankful for... new "old" friends. I'm going to meet with a friend from my high school days tomorrow at our small town coffee shop. It's been nice to start a reconnection since we now live in the same town. Now... I just need to make those coffee dates with friends a little further away or they're going to think I really don't want to see them!

Outside my window... darkness... deep and really chilly. It's almost midnight, for crying out loud! What am I even doing online at this hour?

I am going... insane from insomnia. It happens every time Gil is out of town.

I am reading... absolutely nothing at the moment. It's taking me about a month just to get through one magazine right now!

I am hoping... for snow. We've got the yummy cold, now we just need the white stuff!

I am hearing... Arrow chase rabbits in his sleep.

One of my favorite things... Mint Mocha with a double shot of espresso. Mmm. That's what I'm having tomorrow.

Here is a picture I'm sharing... a pine cone cluster. I snapped this real quick as we were inching by on the trail during the Je.ep Jam.boree this past August. It's one of my favorite "artsy" photographs I've ever taken.

Monday's Musings

The "Simple Things" for which I'm grateful...

I am thankful for... Sky.pe. We've only tested it at home but for the first time, I'm going to be able to see my husband tonight during our nightly call. I'm so excited!

Outside my window... a cool autumn's evening, clear of most clouds and fading light.

I am going... to have to get my butt in gear to do my annual Christmas letter, family picture and card as well as getting the gifts that need to be mailed sent off on time. I've been slacking this year.

I am reading... my two latest HOG member magazines. I'm a bit behind in my subscriptions.

I am hoping... for once, that AF is not coming. It'll screw up all our hopes and plans... again.

I am hearing... Mojo and Karma wrestling around with each other while I'm watching my DVR'd shows from last week.

One of my favorite things... leftover turkey sandwiches the day after Thanksgiving. Mmm.

Here is a picture I'm sharing... This is a tree in a cedar grove nearby (relatively near, anyway!). I took it years ago while camping with a friend but I've always loved it for the way it appears to me to be two lovers entwined in an embrace.

Monday's Musings

The "Simple Things" for which I'm grateful...

I am thankful for... time. Without it, I never would've met my wonderful husband nor would we have had the chance to make it through that first year. God does know what He's doing!

Outside my window... is a view worth all the turmoil and hard work moving here took. I love looking out at those mountains.

I am going... to travel back to Gil's family to celebrate Thanksgiving next week. Gil and I had chosen Thanksgiving as the one holiday of the year we would host from our home for whomever would be able to come but since the move, we don't see his family very often. So it looks like we'll be traveling for Thanksgiving the next few years.

I am reading... medical coding journals. I have to cram in some continuing education for my recertification by the end of the week.

I am hoping... we're on the right path, the path God desires for us. I sure hope we're listening to the call and that we're able to accept it, whatever it is.

I am hearing... birds sqwaking. Think they're finally getting the hint winter is on its way?

One of my favorite things... music. Without it, I don't know where I'd be. Music shapes the spirit of my soul. I love all kinds (except gangsta rap and the screaming heavy metal)... jazz and blues, rock and roll, country, hip hop, and even pop. Yesterday, I was listening to Mil.es Davis and the Chie.ftains! Gil was thankful to be working in the shop; he thinks I'm crazy!

Here is a picture I'm sharing... in honor of our First Date anniversary. Six years ago today, Gil took me to Te.xas Roa.dhouse for our very first date... and the rest, they say, is history. I love you, baby.

Monday's Musings

The "Simple Things" for which I'm grateful...

I am thankful for... family and friends who love and support us.

Outside my window... is a beautiful sunny, autumn day with snow-capped mountains, leaf-less tress, and crisp, clean air.

I am going... to try and take a nap before Gil gets home. I have been fighting extreme fatigue and muscle aches for the past week or so and I. am. tired.

I am reading... Wa.ter from the Ro.ck: Finding God's Com.fort in the Midst of Infe.rtility. I need all the help I can get!

I am hoping... that I don't have to do any last minute CEU's to meet my quota for re-certification in 3 weeks!

I am hearing... the ticking and cuckoo'ing of our massive German cuckoo clock that we finally hung this past weekend.

One of my favorite things... is snuggling with my hubby on the couch in front of our new fireplace and a movie.

Here is a picture I am sharing... I *heart* aspen groves. I took this on one of our trips to the Boul.der River.

Monday's Musings

The "Simple Things" for which I'm grateful...

I am thankful for... chocolate. It's been a life-saver this past week.

Outside my window... is a beautiful full moon and clear sky.

I am going... to frame my worn-out Bet.tis jersey to hang in our game room.

I am reading... medical reports. I signed back on to work a couple of extra hours tonight.

I am hoping... I can get everything done on my "to do" list this week.

I am hearing... puppies chasing bunnies in their dreams as they sleep on my office floor while Tra.cy Cha.pman sings "Hallelujah".

One of my favorite things... the smell of pumpkin spice. What a perfect fall aroma!

Here is a picture I'm sharing... I took this last fall. I just loved the contrast between the orange and blue.

Monday's Musings

I'm going to try re-starting my "Monday's Meme" thing at an attempt to get back into the groove of blogging after my emotional break. However, I'm going to do the same meme every Monday, just with different answers. So here goes...

The Simple Things for which I'm grateful...

I am thankful for... free phone calls. With Gil gone so much, we're able to stay in touch without having to pay extra.

Outside my window... a raging storm. It's died down a bit as I write this but the wind was howling something fierce, so strong it was blowing the rain right on through.

I am going... to bed shortly; it's been a long day.

I am reading... Self and BHG magazines; my newest editions arrived in the mail over the weekend.

I am hoping... for a brighter emotional week than the last one.

I am hearing... silence. I just turned the tv off in preparation for bed.

One of my favorite things... brownies! I sinfully ate three throughout the course of today!

Here is a picture I'm sharing... a smokey sunset scene from last month before our resident forest fire was extinguished by the first snow.

Nosey Questions

Monday's Meme

Nosey Questions

1. What is your favorite day of the week?
It used to be Friday when I didn’t have to work on that day… now, however, it’s Saturday.

2. How do you usually wear your hair?
Down and slightly curled, with the front pulled off to the side to keep it out of my face. Either that, or I’m covering up with a bandana or ballcap.

3. What is your favorite item of clothing?
One of my Harl.ey sweatshirts or my Ste.elers hoodie.

4. Where would your dream vacation be?
Ireland... but it would have to be an extended vacation, 3-6 months. Think I can finance that?!

5. Who is your favorite author? book?
If this is based on how many books by one particular author I have, then it would be No.ra Rob.erts. However, I also like An.ne Ric.e and Dia.na Ga.baldon.

6. How often do you log on?
1-2 times/day... but each time lasts forever! I'm constantly plugged in.

7. What is one of your favorite internet sites to visit?
Han.nah’s Pra.yer or Go.ogle (I like to look things up).

8. Coke or Pepsi?
If it’s diet: Pepsi. If it’s regular: Coke.

9. Do you prefer healthy snacks or junk food?
What kind of question is that?!! Of course not! ☺

10. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
By nature, I’m a night owl. Work and life force me to function in the morning, fighting against my natural instincts.

Meme courtesy of Randomness.

Oldies but Goodies

Monday's Meme

Remember back in the days....

1. What were your favorite cartoons when you were a kid?
Loo.ney Toons, Smu.rfs, The Flin.tstones, and The Je.tsons

2. What was your favorite music? Your fave singers?
I grew up on all the music my folks collected so it was very eclectic… some of my fave’s in the late 70’s/early 80’s were Flee.twood Mac, Car.ly Sim.on, Ala.bama, and Ken.ny Rog.ers.

3. Who was your best friend growing up?
I don’t know that I had any single best friend as there was a group of us who went from day care to graduating high school together. I was also really close with one of my cousins, who was practically like another brother growing up.

4. Any embarrassing fashion fads? Example: funky clothes, wild hair etc....
Junior high to early high school… the rolled and tucked pant bottoms, men’s funky print shirts, those sweaters with huge blocks of bright colors all over, colored socks to match the shirt, and the female mullet hair-do. At one time, I even wore a dog collar as a bracelet.

5. What did you want to be when you grew up? Did you become that?
I thought I wanted to be a pediatric nurse or elementary school teacher. No, I didn’t become either of those and it’s probably a good thing. If I had to be either one of those while dealing with infertility, I’d probably have been committed to the insane asylum by now.

6. Are you still a kid at heart?
About 50% of the time, yes I am. The world is a much brighter and happier place when you can find the novelty in basic everyday things.

Meme courtesy of Randomness.

First Last Now

Monday's Meme (on Tuesday... oops!)

I did fill this out yesterday on Monday... apparently, I just forgot to hit "publish"! Sorry 'bout that. Puts my whole week off kilter.

First Last Now

First

* First job: sales clerk at a Trading Post and Native American Museum
* First funeral: I don’t really remember but it was one of my great-grandmas.
* First pet: a puppy named Trouble, though I only know this from pictures. I was just a little tyke.
* First piercing: My ears when I was 12.
* First tattoo: a Celtic knot band around my right ankle about 10 years ago.
* First credit card: a mastercard probably around 10 years ago.
* First kiss: first real kiss when I was in 9th grade.
* First enemy: I don’t have enemies but it would probably be my high school boyfriend’s now-wife. I have no real problem with her, and I loved her sister, but she just doesn’t like me for some reason.

Last

* Last car ride: this morning as I drove to have breakfast with my parents before they left to go home.
* Last kiss: this morning after breakfast when I said “see you later” to my hubby.
* Last movie watched: We watched “Ghos.trider” last night with the ‘rents.
* Last beverage drank: coffee with hazelnut creamer at breakfast.
* Last food consumed: eggs, toast, and bacon.
* Last phone call: just a few minutes ago to discuss lunch plans with Gil.
* Last time showered: this morning.
* Last CD played: AC/DC’s Stiff Upper Lip.
* Last website visited: face.book

Now

* Siblings: one brother
* Hair color: auburn
* Eye color: green
* Shoe size: 9
* Height: 5’9”
* Wearing: jeans, black t-shirt, harley cap, and flip-flops
* Drinking: nada at the moment; soon to get a glass of water
* Thinking about: how sweet my little devil Karma can be as she’s curled up on the couch next to me.
* Listening to: the tv… silly soaps are on in the middle of a weekday. Who'd a-thunk?

Meme courtesy of The Daily Meme.

This or That?

Monday's Meme

Would you rather...

1. sky dive or bungee jump?
Honestly, I’d love to try sky diving. Unfortunately, I was told years ago by my otorhinolaryngologist (ENT doc) that I would not be able to because of my ears and bad ear drums... so, as is the course of nature, I crave to do the very thing I'm not allowed to do.

2. eat a hissing cockroach or eat a slug?
Yuck. Bugs. Probably the slug because I could chase it with water or pop and just wash the slippery little sucker down.

3. have lifelong free entry to all theme parks or lifetime free entry to all movie theaters?
Easy… movie theaters! I love movies but never go anymore because of the cost.

4. spend one month without books or one month without tv?
Go without tv… I already choose books over tv, anyway, and don’t watch much of what they’re broadcasting on tv anymore. Most of the programming stinks, in my opinion.

5. have the ability to fly or be able to become invisible?
Fly… then I could jet home to see my family whenever I want!

6. to have a personal shopper for life or a personal fitness trainer for life?
A personal shopper… because, unlike most girls, I hate to shop… for groceries or clothes or anything.

7. be spiderman or be superman?
Superman… it brings me back to the flying thing.

8. be stuck in the 70's or be stuck in the 80's?
The 80’s… there was so much uniqueness and individuality in the 80’s that it didn’t matter who you were or what you wore… everybody was different and totally acceptable. And despite of – or because of – all the one-hit wonders, there was some great music!

Meme courtesy of Randomness.

Flashback to Early 90's

Monday's Meme

A High School Meme

1. Can you sing the fight song?
Yes… here goes! “Three cheers for our school, Mission High. May our banner so proudly fly. Our team in the blue and the white goes to battle to fight, fight, fight. Rah! Rah! Rah!” Okay that’s only the first half but it’s enough. Now I can’t get the tune out of my head.

2. Who was your favorite teacher?
Hmm… Probably Ms. K in 4th grade. Oh wait. The title says high school… that would have to be my science teacher, Mr. L.

3. What was your school mascot?
Bulldog.

4. Did you go to the Prom?
I went to two my sophomore year and then senior year. I also showed up in pants for junior year because I was on the appetizer committee and took a couple pics with different friends. It wasn’t a huge deal for me.

5. If you could go back, would you?
No. I enjoyed my high school years but I like where I am now and what I’ve done since then.

6. What do you remember most about graduation?
Unfortunately, our horrible commencement speaker. As a class, we elected NOT to have one. Our teachers over-rode our vote and asked a history professor from the university. Boooorrring.

7. Where were you on Senior Skip Day?
We were threatened with discipline for having a senior skip day so I don’t think we did… honestly don’t remember, though.

8. Did you have a job your senior year?
Not during the school year… I was so busy with full class schedules and extra-curriculars, I only worked during the summers.

9. Where did you go most often for lunch?
To the store or to our friend Amy’s house.

Meme courtesy of Saturday 9.

Working in the Coalmines

Monday's Meme

Working in the Coalmines... reminds me of that song by Le.e Dor.sey...

Workin' in a coal mine
Goin' down, down, down
Workin' in a coal mine
Whoop! About to slip down

I don't know how the "writer" of these memes chooses questions to put together... they don't make sense as a "group" to me... no rhyme nor reason, no relationship whatsoever.

1. What is your job and do you like it?
I am a Coding Education Specialist at a local hospital/clinic. I “educate” (and I use the term loosely!) the providers (physicians, PA’s, nurses) in several different departments on correct coding and documentation guidelines. I perform audits and research new technologies and coding methodologies. I like the auditing and research portion of my job. I even like interacting with the different providers but I find it "challenging" to educate intelligent physicians who get frustrated with the “system” enough to throw it all out the window.

2. What do you do to unwind after work?
Most nights, I don’t get to “unwind” right away. I come home and take care of the furbabies and get dinner going. After things are cleaned up, I’ll sit on the couch for maybe an hour and either read, surf the net, or watch tv with the hubby.

3. Who have you known the longest of your friends?
I have several friends I’ve known since daycare and head start. Such is life when you grow up in a small town. Amazingly, a few of them remain some of the closest friends I've ever had and the rest still remain friends on the rare chance I get to see them.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
It all depends on the subject matter. I go to Gil first for just about everything, I go to my mom for a lot and I have a handful of other close friends that I’ll call. If it pertains to IF and/or adoption, I go to my "sisters" at HP.

5. Not counting your current relationship, how many times have you been in love?
In retrospect, I don’t believe it was true love. There are two men I had “serious” relationships with in my life before Gil and with whom I thought I was totally in love with at the time. I still love them - or love who they were - for the purposes they served in my life, but I never truly loved or was loved in return until Gil.

6. What is your favorite snack food?
Popcorn. Love popcorn. Hate getting kernel shells stuck in my gums, though. I also like ice cream.

7. What is the best meal you ate this week?
That would probably be the buffalo wings this past Thursday. We frequently do boneless wing night at BWW with our friends, T & S. YUM-O!

8. What, to you, is the most important factor in romantic attraction?
The things that attracts me the most romantically aren’t physical at all. The depth of love, respect, concern, sense of humor even… the deeper we get emotionally, the better the romance is.

9. What do you think is your worst habit?
Yikes… I have a lot of them, mostly expressing myself through attitude rather than physically. Gil says chewing my fingernails, which I do when I’m stressed. Unfortunately, I’ve been stressed a lot in the past year.

"Working in the Coalmines" meme courtesy of Saturday 9.

Is Sleep Overrated?

Monday’s Meme

How Do You Sleep?

1. How long do you sleep each night?
During the week, I sleep anywhere from 3-6 hours a night. Ugh. No wonder I sleep anywhere from 8-10 hours on the weekends. Can you say “poor sleep habits”?

2. Do you fall asleep easily?
Nope. Well, typically not. Sometimes I’m just so darned tired I fall asleep before Gil’s done with his hour of reading. Other times, I’m so darned tired I toss and turn until about midnight before caving. I often have to read to make my mind get lost in the story and forget everything else there is to think about. Gil has often taken a fallen book out of my hands and turned the light off for me.

3. Do you fall asleep at times not in your bed?
On the couch in the evening if I haven’t forced myself to go to bed by 9:00.

4. Do you listen to music or use “white noise” to sleep?
I used to have to listen to music; I would set a CD on repeat. Now there’s enough white noise in the sounds of my husband’s occasional snoring, the dogs shaking and rattling their tags at 3:00 in the morning, the sounds of living in the middle of a neighborhood with people driving and yelling outside, and a train tooting its horn at 4:00 in the morning, and sirens at all times of the day and night. Well, maybe that noise isn’t exactly “white”.

5. Do you sleep through the night or get up a couple of times?
I wake up frequently, usually 2-5 times a night, but never allow myself to get up. I don't wake from having to go to the bathroom until it's time to get up in the morning.

6. Do you have trouble sleeping away from your own bed?
No. I get so little sleep that to lay down anywhere for respite is a welcome.

7. Do you need an alarm clock to get you up?
Yes but unfortunately, sometimes, I fear sleeping through it so I unwillingly sleep light and wake often in order not to miss it going off. I also wake every time one of the furbabies starts moving around.

8. Do you ever take medication to help you sleep?
No. I won’t be able to function at all the following day if I do. When I’m sick, Ny.quil’s totally out of the question unless I take it on a Thursday night when I have a 3-day weekend ahead of me. At the request of my doctor, I tried a Tyl.enol PM once – just one pill, not the two she suggested – and couldn’t wake up the next day until after noon. I was a walking zombie until about dinnertime and was definitely ready to go back to sleep that night. The doc said that was the lightest and safest thing on the market. Don’t know why I react so strongly but it makes me fear taking anything to help, even herbal.

9. Do you/have you slept with pets?
Unless my furry husband is considered a pet, no. The husky furbabies do sleep on the floor of our bedroom, though. I have to be careful when I wake up at 4:30 in the morning to stumble into the bathroom… 1 small bedroom + 3 medium-sized dogs + bedroom furniture = no floor space and I run the risk of stepping on tails or noses.

"How Do You Sleep?" meme courtesy of Saturday 9.

15 Years Already?!

Monday's Meme

Today's chosen meme is called "I (Through Time)".

I wanna talk about me
I wanna talk about I
I wanna talk about number one, oh my, me, my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see...
(in the words of To.by Ke.ith)

15 years ago (at age 18), I...
1. ... was a freshman in college.
2. ... had dreams that I thought would kill me if I didn’t achieve (hah!).
3. ... was exhibiting bad symptoms of a disease I wasn’t diagnosed with until 10 years later.
4. ... never dreamed of paying over $200 on a monthly car payment. LOL
5. ... drank at my first “kegger” even though it was only 2 wine coolers! Sissy.

10 years ago (at age 23), I...
1. ... had finally quit meandering through jobs after a disappointing college experience.
2. ... had moved in with my best friend and was living “the life”.
3. ... had my first serious boyfriend... and am glad it ended up not working out later.
4. ... managed to lose 70 pounds (wish I could re-discover the secret!).
5. ... got my first tattoo.

5 years ago (at age 28), I...
1. ... had met, fell in love with, and already broke up with my now husband. (Obviously, the break-up didn't last long!)
2. ... learned to appreciate the value of an orange beer while doing yard work in the morning.
3. ... never thought I’d have my own Harley, much less ride one as anything other than a passenger.
4. ... prayed having children wouldn’t be the disastrous journey it has become.
5. ... stepped waaay out of my comfort zone and began singing karaoke.

1 year ago (at age 32), I...
1. ... had fallen into a relatively deep depression following the failure of fertility drugs.
2. ... was simultaneously the most happy woman in the world blessed by the love of her husband.
3. ... had experienced Sturgis in all its biker glory.
4. ... had also experienced watching someone die.
5. ... came to the realization that I could live as far from my family as Greenland and as long as I have my husband, I’d be okay.

Today, I...
1. ... am saddened by the havoc and pain cancer causes not only a patient but their family.
2. ... am saddened that infertility is not a covered disease by insurance carriers.
3. ... am saddened that so many little frozen babies are going to be killed in the name of science.
4. ... am hopeful and anxious for my doctor appointments this month and potentially with a new doctor this summer.
5. ... am still the most happy woman in the world blessed by the love of her husband.

Tomorrow, I...
1. ... hope to continue in my quest to live with joy every day.
2. ... hope to feel rested.
3. ... will re-start my diet.
4. ... hope the snow starts to melt; I’m actually getting spring (Harley) fever.
5. ... will continue praising God.

Courtesy of Lost (and Found) Memes at The Dai.ly Meme.