Casting Crowns, Pt. II

I've been mulling over numerous and various thoughts for the past week or so, especially since the Casting Crowns concert. A few posts ago, I brought notice to a scripture that jumped out at me from my Stepping Stones newsletter:

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
~ 2 Cor 12:9-10 NIV ~

During the concert while Mark (Hall, lead singer) was talking at one point, he mentioned this scripture within his own personal witness. It just startled me to hear it... I know it's a popular scripture but twice in one week from two completely different sources in unexpected ways? I know I'm being asked to delight in my "weakness", to see my infertility as a gift. But how do I do that? I don't know that I'll ever see it as a gift but I do know in my head that we're meant to be exactly where we are, waiting for children that He created for us to parent and love. But infertility is not a gift. It's a gut-wrenching pain and heartache.

Then Mark and the rest of Casting Crowns sang one of my favorite songs, "Praise You in this Storm." Here are the lyrics to the first half of the song:

I was sure by now, God, You would have reached down and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say, "Amen", and it's still
raining.

As the thunder rolls, I barely hear Your whisper through the rain, "I'm
with you." And as Your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who
gives and takes away.

I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands,
for You are who You are no matter matter where I am. Every tear I've cried, You
hold in Your hand. You never left my side. And though my heart is torn, I will
praise You in this storm.

And I cried.

At another point in the concert, Mark began to talk about Abraham and how great his faith was... how God asked him to obey him and prove his faith and honor by sacrificing (yes, killing) his own son whom he'd waited decades to become a daddy to. And he was ready to do it. He had the knife at Isaac's throat!

Then it hit me.

Isn't that exactly what God is asking of Gil and me? To sacrifice our child(ren)? Or at least the dream of becoming pregnant with our child(ren).

And I cried again.

If this is a test of my faith, I don't know if I'm doing so well. Because I'm kicking and screaming and trying to hold on to that dream with all my might. At the same time, you gotta give me credit for being able to still hope that it just might happen... it's been three and a half years and a couple of not very encouraging diagnoses from my doctor. I feel the death and mourn the loss of our child every time AF rears her ugly head... or when she doesn't rear it and I have to suffer through a negative HPT.

Then again, I ask myself "who am I?" Who am I to think that God would hear my cry and answer my plea to have this burden lifted? He didn't even do it for His own Son (remember Jesus in the Garden?). Jesus sat there crying and pleading, asking to be saved from suffering the crucifixion. Jesus suffered because He loves us, loves me, so much. Do I love Him enough to deal with my own suffering and let the dream go?

I'm having a really hard time with IF this week. I'm trying to figure out why. I think having the door to diagnosis/treatment at PPVI close on us is really hurting me. I also think being able to do nothing in the way of anything about our adoption absolutely stinks. You'd think with all the children needing mommies and daddies that they'd be rushing to get us trained and approved. I just hate being stagnant when I'm so excited to do something, especially when it goes against my will.

There it is again, those two little words, laughing at me: my will. This pain I'm dealing with is because of my will... my desire to get and be pregnant, to go through the birthing process, to hold in my arms a creation who's half me and half Gil, a soul created from our love for each other. I just have to go against my will and let that dream go, deal with that loss and move on. Plain and simple, right? So straight-forward.

It's not... and I'm struggling really bad with it right now. I'm sorry for the rambling. I had all these abstract thoughts I wanted to write down but no clear way of how. Everything is so jumbled and confused in my brain, in my heart. Seems to be the story of my life lately.

I was talking excitedly with a friend today about our adoption plan and then about the door closing on trying to conceive at this point in time. I received a couple of the typical responses... "God has a plan"... "it's meant for a reason"...

Yeah, I know! Knowing that there's a "greater plan" or a "reason" for our infertility does NOT make it any easier to deal with. Sheesh! Would you tell someone who was dying from cancer that they had it for a reason? Or someone whose baby has been murdered that it was all in God's plan and for His purpose?

Again, I'm sorry. Just having a bad day... bad week...

Please keep me in your prayers. Don't worry about my faith; it'll remain there. It's my heart that's hurting the most right now.

My Crooked Smile

I went to the dentist yesterday afternoon. I used to be really good about going every year but after my first year of living here, I lost my dental coverage back home (duh!). It took me awhile to find a dentist down here... I'm pretty picky when having to pick a new provider for anything. I'll say right now that I love my new dentist! But after yesterday, I'm thinking about retracting that statement...

I first went to him back in December. He, like every dentist I've ever been to, complimented me on my teeth... said they looked healthy and that I had a great smile, even asked if I'd had braces as a kid. Nope. I know I should take that as a compliment but I let it go the opposite way and reinforce my insecurity about my "snaggletooth". People say they don't notice it until I point it out. However, it's always the first thing I see when I smile. One thing I always prided myself on was the fact that I never had any cavities. I have really deep crevices and had to have sealants throughout childhood and early adulthood to help prevent cavities.

Guess those sealants are missing now... I was "diagnosed" with a cavity in December. I thought it was the end of the world! I was pretty devastated and mortified at the thought of having to go back to have it filled. I didn't want silver shining on the tops of my teeth when I smiled... dealing with my snaggletooth is bad enough. Worrying about a filling would be enough to make me self-conscious about laughing! Yikes. So I went in the following week to have it filled. I was so nervous I made Gil go with me... if you know me, you know I have a MAJOR fear of needles. When Dr. W. starting evaluating it, though, he said that it was just barely on the surface and he could take care of it without the novacaine! YAY! And he reassured me that he never does the old silver fillings... his are all tooth colored. Double YAY!

Also at my appointment in December, I mentioned my snaggletooth and how it bugs me. He started to evaluate my smile with closer inspection and then started testing my bite and how my jaw moves. Now, I've brought this up to dentists before and they've always scoffed at me for being so concerned with a simple little snaggletooth that people don't even notice unless I point it out. Dr. W. didn't do that to me... and come to find out, my smile is shifting. Yes, it's crooked. I don't have enough space for my top teeth and they're all crushing themselves together. I've never had spaces between my teeth but I guess they're too tight and if I continue to let this go untreated, pretty soon, my left front tooth will eventually be where my right one currently is. My middle space is already off-center. The only way Dr. W. suggests fixing this with Invisalign... essentially braces but they're those clear plates that conform to your teeth. I'd have to have a series of plates made to re-align my teeth over the course of a year... to the tune of four thousand dollars! Yikes! It really sucks when all - and I mean ALL - my health problems are not covered with insurance and I have to pay out-of-pocket for them. I'm hoping to be able to afford these within the next year or two but now I'm even more self-conscious about my smile.

Back to yesterday's appointment... Dr. W. comes in to check my pearlies and finds two more cavities! What the heck! Where did they come from! I live over thirty-two years without a single cavity and now I have three within the span of seven months! How'd that happen??? He said it can happen with age but mainly, it's my extra-deep crevices. He said that I couldn't really have prevented them from happening. Well that sucks. AND, I'm going to have to have the novacaine to fix these babies. That REALLY sucks! I'm already freaking out about it.

I told Dr. W. that I'm going to find another dentist because I never - in my life - had a cavity until I started seeing him! I think he might've felt a little bad because he ended up giving me a couple of his season baseball tickets to our local team. They're right behind home plate! So Gil and I will be going out to the ballgame on August 8th. Fun!

Casting Crowns

Here are a few pictures from our night out to see Casting Crowns! It was a phenomenal experience and a fabulous concert! They're just awesome to see perform and be able to praise God with. I'll write more later but wanted to add a post so you knew I was still alive!

Here's a local band from our area, Tracing Days. They opened for Casting Crowns.

CASTING CROWNS

I'm a winner!

I never win. I can play the lottery, join in on a football pool, enter contests, whatever, and I never win! I'm just not lucky that way. Last Monday (July 14th), I received an email from JCTV, a Christian music tv station, telling me that they were giving away free tickets to a Casting Crowns concert that's being held in a neighboring city this coming Friday (July 25th). All I had to do was email my name, phone number, address, and a picture of our front door to the tv station. They were going to draw for tickets on the 20th and said they would notify the winner by email. I never received an email so I figured, as usual, that I wasn't the winner. I picked up the mail after work today and found an envelope addressed to me from JCTV. I thought it was really sweet of a tv station to send consolation letters to the losers... how very Christian of them! So I open it while sitting at the same stop light twice - and four tickets to the concert fall out! Wow! I could barely believe it. In just two days, we'll be going to see Casting Crowns! How cool is that?! (For those of you that don't know, Casting Crowns is one of the coolest Christian pop/rock bands on the airwaves. Their song, Praise You In This Storm, is on my playlist... hopefully you have your speakers on to be able to hear it!) 

To my friend, Jen S: Here's a picture of the tickets.  Guess this is as close as you'll get to them now!  :)  Just kidding!  Wish you were going with us.

Caution: TMI Ahead!

It's been six months... six months since I discontinued all fertility drugs... six months since I discontinued taking progesterone to induce AF... six months since I've had to struggle with intense pelvic pain and nausea... six months since AF has reared her ugly head . Well... she's back. With a vengeance. I should be happy. It's completely natural, without drugs to bring her 'round. But six months of build-up does not a happy AF make.

We were supposed to ride the pass for the Rally on Saturday. We were really looking forward to it as we were unable to make the run last year due to Grandpa's illness. I had the bikes all cleaned Friday night, our jackets and glasses sitting out ready to be thrown on in the morning... then I woke up in pain. I knew in my head that it would be an extremely difficult day if I rode the bike for 8 hours but I was thinking about braving it. Gil knew how bad it would be and chose not to go for the both of us. I tried convincing him to go without me as we were supposed to meet up with a friend, but he told me to call her and let her know we wouldn't be going and that he wouldn't think of going without me. How sweet of a husband is that?!! I love this man. So I spent all of Saturday curled up on the couch in a drug-induced slumber. Sunday wasn't much different except for having to go grocery-shopping... we still had no groceries in the house since before we left on vacation.

I went to work yesterday but by 4:00 was hurting so bad, I left an hour early. Today, the pain has radiated to my back and I'm home, on the couch with a blanket... yes, a blanket. Yesterday it was 95 degrees outside and I'm in here with a blanket!

It's not good to go so long between AF visits. It's recommended that you go no longer than 3 months in order to keep things "cleaned out" to reduce the chances of developing gynecological (i.e. endometrial) cancers. I even talked to the gynecologic oncologist we have on staff at the hospital where I work and he confirmed this. I just know that I don't like being on the progesterone to induce AF. I feel that it works against my body's natural cycle (whatever that may be!) and forces me into cycles earlier than I'm meant to have. AF would come a day sooner every cycle; the last one I had, it was only 20 days since the previous AF.

A lady in my IF support group with PCOS and IF has talked with me about a product called FertilityBlend. It contains Vitex (chastetree berry) which I've already been researching. It's supposed to naturally boost the proper balance between estrogen and progesterone to create natural cycles. Niki said she thinks she may have even ovulated once or twice since she started taking it! Could you imagine?! I don't even know what that's like. FertilityBlend would be an investment, though... it would be $130 for Gil and me for a three-month supply. That's not too bad, really, but we're not at a place financially right now to be writing more expenses into our budget. My next piece of research will be in comparing its ingredients to the vitamins I already take... I don't want to be double-dosing or mixing the wrong herbs and minerals with each other. But I'd feel better about taking natural herbs to help correct my cycles rather than forcing synthetic progesterone on my body.

Back to Good

Karma is definitely back to her old (but very young) self. We could already see a dramatic improvement by Wednesday but by Thursday, she took off after Mojo with a vengeance... to make up for two lost days, I think! I'm no longer giving her the anti-diarrheal stuff as we're not getting very much out of her in the way of bowel movements... we're getting at least a daily small amount so we're not too worried. She's still taking the metronidazole for protozoan (single cell) parasites and she finished the panacur, which is for hook/roundworms. Of course, those meds were prescribed and started without a diagnosis of what we were needing to treat. I just received a call from our vet this morning because Karma's fecal study came back. She has coccidia, a protozoan parasite transmitted through the feces. Puppies love to eat feces. Coccidia has a 13 day incubation period and I tracked her date of parasite transmission back to July 2nd... that was our last day of puppy kindergarten. She had been running free in their big yard out there where lots of other dogs get to run and, most likely, go to the bathroom. She had even found a shed snake skin there once that she tried eating before I (completely grossed out) took it away from her. So I'm guessing she just got hold of some scat while playing out there. I will pick up her new prescription when I go to meet Gil for lunch. I'm just so glad that she's back to normal. Tuesday was such a stressful day for us thinking that there was a chance we could lose her. She's always been a lover dog, crazy for attention, but we both think this scared her, too, as she's been pretty clingy since we got back from the vet. She's still tearing off after Mojo and Arrow but will run back toward her mama quite frequently when it's playtime in the backyard and is always underfoot when we're in the house. Gil would tell you that I don't mind that one bit! However, I think Mojo minds... it means less attention for him!

I've been seriously contemplating starting to scrapbook digitally over the past month or so rather than the old-fashioned way, getting out all the paper, stickers, scissors, adhesive, etc. I seem to be using my MacBook more and more for everything and this way, I could scrapbook while sitting on the couch watching tv with my husband. I'm partial to Creative Memories when it comes to scrapbooking so I started looking at their digital scrapbooking software. It's not real compatible with Macs so I had to start searching for Mac software. iRemember is Mac's version for digital scrapbooking and they have a free 15 day trial period so I downloaded it. Here is my first attempt at a digital scrapbook page... I think I'm going to like it!

The cool thing about going digital is that I could either upload my pages one by one to photo printers like Costco and have them print out my 12x12 pages and then insert them into sleeves in my own scrapbook OR I could have a book printed and bound with the pages I've created. I think I'm going to try out a scrapbook of the dogs (to include all dogs... Black Devil, Sassy, and Hiawatha as well as the three we still have) first before doing a whole bunch of other pictures, like my engagement and wedding pictures.

UPDATE, 1:20 pm: After I wrote this, shut off the 'puter, and went outside to get the dogs put away so I could go meet Gil for lunch, I noticed Karma left a big pile of her regular sized "scat" (I say scat because I don't like the "p" word!). She got all kinds of congratulations and belly rubs for having a good movement! YAY!

Adoption Update & Infertility Acceptance

I had made a call to Child & Family Services prior to leaving on vacation and heard back from them while we were away. The update is that there is no update. All our paperwork is in, our references are in, they're just waiting on the results from our fingerprint checks. I also asked about the workshops that we'll have to go through because when I was doing my initial investigations, I was told that even though they didn't have the next one currently scheduled, she thought it would happen in late July or August. Now that's been moved back to maybe September. So we're just playing the waiting game. I hate twiddling my thumbs but I'll be able to get in some more reading before then. I'm currently reading Adopting After Infertility which is somewhat of a boring read and not really telling me anything new, but it does validate that Gil and I have and are working through all the processes that we should. I have three more books on the coffee table waiting for me: 20 Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, The Primal Wound, and Adopting the Hurt Child.

I also receive a subscription to Stepping Stones, a resource for those suffering IF. It's only published once every two months which is not near enough for me as I love reading it. The most recent edition had this scripture in it... and though it's a scripture I've heard and read my entire life, I bawled and bawled when I read it here.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in
weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I
delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in
difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
~2 Cor 12:9-10 NIV

I wish I could say that I delight in this struggle but I don't. I struggle really hard with accepting this cross that I (and we) have been given to carry. I wish I could see the goodness in it, the way that God is working in me through it. I don't. I see little glimpses sometimes but I don't fully understand the blessings that will come of this pain, of this "abnormality" of infertility and barrenness, of having a broken body that doesn't work. Yes, I am thankful and grateful for the blessings I do have... I recognize them and praise God for them continually... but the joy I have in the blessings I have been gifted with is completely separate from the pain I feel at the loss of what I feel should be automatically and inherently given as a part of life. I know I'm not alone in these struggles and that many who suffer chronic illnesses or injuries have these same heartaches, but I've been feeling really alone in my pain lately. I think I mentioned that in my last post. It's been a rough week with coming to the realization that we cannot financially proceed with medical diagnosis and treatment for my body, even just to get it working properly, not necessarily to become pregnant. I'm ecstatic about being on the road to adoption and can barely contain myself with thinking what our child(ren) will look like, what their little personality(ies) will be, etc. But the pain of IF is coming through strong again this week and I ask for your continued prayers. Pray for me to be able to get to the point where I can delight in my weakness so that I may be strong in God's grace and power and live my life according to His will. His will, not mine.

Sick Puppy & Hurting Heart

We got back from vacation late Sunday evening... I've been pondering over the past two days about what to write. A lot of stuff has happened both physically and emotionally... and then this morning, we wake up to discover that Karma is sick. Really sick. She vomited in her box twice since we put her to bed last night, she had diarrhea when we put her out in the kennel, she was lethargic and depressed, wouldn't get up when called and wouldn't eat... she was running a fever and despondent, not even walking... totally not like her. I spent the day at our vet's with her... we had bloodwork, x-rays and barium studies... she had gotten hold of a small piece of string and ate it while we were away and we were hoping against hope that it hadn't knotted around her intestines causing a blockage. The bloodwork showed abnormal lymphocytes, indicating some type of infection or inflammatory process and then the plain films showed some abnormal gas pockets in her abdomen. So we proceeded to the barium study... even though it showed some filling defects (which can be due to inflammation), there was no obstruction. Our vet didn't want to completely rule out Parvo but gave us some antibiotics, dewormer, and an anti-diarrheal med to give her over the next couple of days along with a bland diet... no dog food... she now gets spoiled on hamburger and rice. By the time I write this, 14 hours after we woke her up this morning, she's now walking of her own accord and wagging her tail a bit. She's still lethargic but is showing a definite perkiness that wasn't there all day. She did eat dinner and take her meds and is keeping everything down. Talk about a stressful day. I was in tears often throughout the day... poor baby. The boys are being really good about leaving her alone although I had to tell Mojo twice to leave her alone this evening after she started moving around more. He tried nudging her to get her to play and she's having none of that today.

I heard from the PPVI Institute this afternoon. I had called to get a cost estimate on the diagnostic tests that Dr. Hilgers is recommending to further diagnose the extent of my disease. The blood test alone will be almost $900... the rest of the tests will run upwards of $10,000... and that's just diagnostics, not the subsequent treatment! Yikes. Because my insurance won't pay for anything out of state or for anything related to infertility, I would have to pay for all of this, in full, at the time of service. There's no way we can continue on with this at that kind of cost... we don't have the resources. We're still paying off our home remodeling projects and other debt incurred while Gil was going to school and we were "living" on a single paycheck. Tonight I started feeling the pain of the IF again, the hopelessness that comes with it, and the pain of realizing that working on my disease and IF is a no-go. Back to square one with no chance whatsoever of getting pregnant.

I know, I know... we're adopting. You're probably thinking that choosing to adopt was our way of dealing with the IF and not getting pregnant. Nope. Adoption was always a choice for us; we just decided to pursue it earlier than originally intended. We still had hopes of getting pregnant and having biological children as well. I'm still ecstatic at the thought of adopting and I'm so looking forward to the day when we will have our child(ren) to hold physically in our arms, not just in our hearts. But it doesn't take away the pain of infertility... especially when so many others praise pregnancy like it's the best thing in the world and barely congratulate us on our decision to adopt... then again, adoption has stereotypically been second best in most people's minds. Just a substitute because we're incapable of being "normal". Sorry for the cynicism... I'm really hurting today.

Especially when, while back home on vacation, we're bombarded with babies and pregnancies every time we turn around. I don't resent others their babies or pregnancies. But I hurt nonetheless. If there is anyone from my life back home who has ever suffered infertility, please step forward and show yourself to me. I need to know that I'm not alone. I know only one other person where I now live that suffers it. I feel so alone sometimes. Yes, I know God is there... but He's also the One choosing not to allow us to get pregnant. I would gladly suffer the disease that I have cursed prior to even knowing what I suffer has a name for a billion years if I had the chance to get pregnant.

I just realized today after pouring my heart out to my HP sisters that we essentially are pregnant... we conceived when we signed our first application in this adoption process and now we're in our gestational period waiting for the big day. It hurts to admit that I feel a bit jealous about the recognition pregnant women get while I barely get the passing congratulations. There are exceptions and believe me, I know who you are and you are the best gifts I could have for feeling about our adoption choice the way I do. Thank you.

Please keep me in your prayers. If you can, please let me know that you're there for me... if not physically, at least emotionally. It helps so much to hear from you.

Speaking of prayers, Gil and I have decided to jump-start our prayer life and get back on track. On the 13th, we started St. Louis de Montfort's 33 day Consecration to Jesus through Our Lady. This was held in high esteem by Pope John Paul II. It's a huge undertaking when all I was looking for was a simple 9 day novena! But if we're going to do it, why not go all out?!

Happy Birthday, America!

I cannot believe that it's already July! Time has flown so fast this past year. I wanted to tell everyone to have a wonderful and safe Independence Day. I've posted the Declaration of Independence below to remind us of what exactly we were founded on and what we stand for as a nation.

I will be away from the computer for a few days. We're going home to the reservation for a little R&R with my family. I'll be taking Gil to his very first powwow, we'll spend some time on the lake, do some camping, and take a few motorcycle rides. I'm also hoping to meet up with one of my HP Sisters (Hannah's Prayer is my IF support group) and will try to see as many friends as possible in the time that we'll have available. I hope we're not so busy that we have to use coming back to work as an excuse to wind down!

The Declaration of Independence of the Thirteen Colonies

In CONGRESS, July 4, 1776

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.
Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.
But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.
Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain [George III] is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained, and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the meantime exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies, without the consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For protecting them by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms. Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren.
We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us.
We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here.
We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence.
They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.
We, therefore, the Representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by the authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare.
That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown,
and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain is and ought to be totally dissolved;
and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce,
and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do.
And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.