Let's Make It Even More Exciting

Saturday we headed to my parents' to help them build a new deck. We had a slower start than I had anticipated but it started coming along nicely. Later in the afternoon, after all my cutting skills with the chop saw were used up and the guys were laying and drilling boards, I thought I'd go out to sit on a piece of the old deck and warm up with the sun on my back. As I stepped down, I unknowingly stepped with my right foot into a hole. Because I badly sprained this ankle about 6-1/2 years ago, I think I over-compensated with my left foot and landed on it wrong because it hadn't had time to properly plant and brace for the weight of my body. I twisted it so badly and heard cracking in ways one should never be subjected to.

I do not cry tears of physical pain very often at all but this was the occasion for it. My word! The pain was intense. Gil helped me into the house and my brother, the coach, came in and assessed the damage, tickling my foot while checking sensation, and promptly iced me up, laid me back in the recliner, and fed me anti-inflammatories. I, as a previous athletic trainer, knew there was nothing else to be done at this point and that if my symptoms remained largely unchanged, I would go to the doctor in another day or 2. I could put absolutely no pressure whatsoever on it for the greater part of the evening, but by nightfall was beginning to be able to stand gingerly on it.


I spent over two hours at the orthopedist's today. They looked at my ankle, took x-rays, looked at it again and re-assessed, x-rayed again, consulted with each other with confused looks on their faces... the consensus is one film shows a fracture, the other does not, my symptoms are weird - in typical Sara fashion - and they've never seen them before, so we're treating it as a sprain with a splint, therapy, and follow-up in 1 month.

However, while wrapped up in the throes of pain throughout the remainder of the weekend, I took two doses of 800 mg ibuprofen before regaining my sensibilities. Stupid Sara. In case you've forgotten since my last post, this is the very weekend we're trying to get pregnant (and unable to do much with a leg that can't be jostled!) with the aid of all those additional hormones my body doesn't naturally produce. Ibuprofen causes bad things to happen in the development of babies and is a big no-no... just in case. So, I'm suffering some non-medicated intense pain and swelling for the greater good in the hopes that our timed efforts and "help" from God created a life. Unfortunately, I'm also worried that I put a possible miracle in danger with those two doses of ibuprofen.

Please pray... for healing, for life, for an ease of worry, for the Holy Spirit to fill me with His grace and love as I, we, deal with all that's going on right now.

Cancelled & Triggered

*** Warning: This post is full of TMI! ***

Today was a very stressful and emotional day. Based on the arrival of the HCG and time of injection, our IUI should've been scheduled for late Saturday evening or early Sunday morning. The first scheduling conflict arose when we were told the doctor-on-call would have to be the one doing the procedure and unanswered call after unanswered call left me not able to get in touch with his office to make sure he'd be prepared for us. Then, when I called the lab guy who would have to take care of washing and separating Gil's swimmers, he told me that he wouldn't be in this weekend and we'd have to take care of that today and freeze them to save for the procedure later in the weekend. First of all, seriously?! Is this the ONLY guy in the lab who can do this? And he doesn't work on the weekends? Secondly, freezing the sperm reduces the viability, and we're already only working with 5% so we'd be cutting that to maybe 2-3%. I don't think so. For the money we'd have to pay out, it's not worth it to us to purposefully reduce our chances so much.

So... after much discussion and prayer, Gil and I decided to cancel the IUI. We talked it over with our RE and he supported our decision saying - if we need to - we can try to plan better next cycle and try to get it to fall in the middle of a week rather than the weekend. The good thing about needing drugs to begin a cycle, you can choose what day to start taking them! We went ahead with the trigger shot tonight and will proceed with "natural" procedures throughout the weekend. We'll be dealing with unspun sperm that still have to deal with getting through the cervix (and mine is chronically inflamed), BUT due to the HCG trigger shot, I will probably ovulate for the first time in history!

Speaking of the HCG trigger shot...


HCG stands for human chorionic gonadotropin and these hormone injections are used to stimulate ovulation when there are mature follicles waiting to be released. Due to my disease, I have follicles but they typically don't release on their own, getting absorbed into the lining of my ovaries thereby producing the polycystic (many cysts) lumpy look rather than the smooth exterior appearance of a normal ovary. This shot is given intramuscularly, which means the needle must be at least 1-1/2 inches long to get down deep enough to hit muscle past the subcutaneous layer. If you know me, you know needles make me deathly ill. Want to know the real kicker to this situation? Gil has to administer the shot himself!

Yep, my husband got to stick a long, sharp needle into my hip/upper buttock area and I had to let him. I almost didn't. Seriously, I was laying somewhat on my side and he was getting ready to go for it when I sat up and said it's not worth it. Seriously? Because of my extreme sweat break-out and desire to throw up a day's worth of stomach contents, it's not worth a shot to try and ovulate to help conception?!?! I sucked it up and submitted, and I barely felt anything, even though he was shaking so hard he stuck me twice! Poor guy.

So there we are... I have 3 good follicles and have now been injected with drugs to hopefully make them release their eggs. Now we just wait for the fun stuff.

Growing Follies

I had my ultrasound today to check on the quantity and growth rate of my follicles (those things that house the eggs in the ovary). I have 3 of good size, 18, 15, and 13 mm. The local nurse tells me they grow at a rate of 1 mm/day; my RE's nurse tells me this is actually 2 mm/day. Regardless of how much per day they grow, they're ready to be released. As soon as FedEx delivers my medication tomorrow, we can do the shot that will trigger ovulation and our IUI will be scheduled for this weekend.

Invisible Illness Awareness Week

There are people in my life who suffer from chronic illnesses such as fibromyalgia, diabetes, chronic back pain, post-traumatic stress disorder, etc... illnesses that are painful and debilitating but have no outward physical signs, thereby "invisible". They don't have wheelchairs to outwardly justify to others that it's okay to park in a handicapped spot. They suffer mainly in silence, as it is generally taboo to speak of an illness with no obvious outward signs. Most of these illnesses have no hope of a "cure" and though symptoms may be treated, the disease will never go away. This week is a week set aside to bring awareness to Invisible Illnesses such as these.

Jenni Sa.ake suffers from many chronic illnesses and last year wrote about another invisible one that a lot of people overlook... infertility. I really encourage you to click on this link to read her blog post.

Jenni authored the book "Hann.ah's Hope", a book that put into words everything I did and continue to feel about being infertile and barren. It made my feelings feel justified rather than crazy and unfounded. I "accidentally" discovered the book while looking through the bargain bin at a Christian bookstore. God brought the book to me as I was finishing the 4th (and what I thought then to be the final round) of Clo.mid and was spiraling into a depression with thoughts of never getting pregnant, never becoming a parent, never seeing my husband's gorgeous blue eyes in our son's face. I encourage anyone who wants to know how to support someone they know and love who suffers from infertility to seek out and read her book, "Hann.ah's Hope".

I also encourage you to visit the Invisible Illness Week website for more information about chronic invisible illnesses.

Clo.mid Insanity... Again

It's been 2 years since my last experience with Clo.mid. From September 2007 through January 2008, we went through 4 cycles of Clo.mid (and progesterone) with each cycle of Clo.mid increasing in dosage from 50-100-100-150.

I say "we" went through 4 cycles because my poor, dear, understanding husband got to experience (read: suffer) the mood swings, the ovarian cramping, the hot flashes, and the eventual deep, dark ugly depression right along with me. God bless him for holding me through all the tears and angry, fist-shaking rants at God. God bless him for saying he still loves me. God blessed me.

We're at it again. On September 8th, I began a cycle of 100 mg. And I'm sweating like a pig.

Season Opener

Ste.elers win!!! In typical Ste.eler fashion, it didn't get really exciting until the last 5 minutes... and ended up in overtime. Since moving, we haven't purchased any dish or cable packages and we have only one - yes, a single - antenna tv channel. I was so happy this game was broadcast on our lone channel.

As happy as I was that we did, ultimately, win the game, I about scared Gil and the furbabies right out of their skins when I jumped and screamed when Hin.es fumbled that ball. Yikes. Poor guy. He just doesn't typically allow things that sloppy to happen. I felt his devastation.


Yay Ste.elers!! We're off to another great football season!

Amid the Silent Sorority

As I gear up to start my cycle and the medication clomiphene (clomid) this weekend, this article on what it's like to suffer in the "Silent Sorority" touches my heart on levels most women and couples will never have to think about. It is a bit of a sorority, as we cling to others who are experiencing the rotten disease because they are the only ones who can understand what we're going through. I highly encourage you to read it... as I can write no more today due to the tears running down my cheeks.

Infertility: Amid the Silent Sorority
written by Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos