Waiting

I hate to wait. I can be pretty patient but I think it can only go so far before it starts to mess with your head, your heart, your very being. But I'm being asked to wait despite how very difficult it is. I don't know why. I'm hoping someday - as others have promised - I will know how very worth it the wait was. But I don't feel the hope in that promise yet. This "waiting" is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Gil and I finally watched the movie Fir.eproof tonight. Though somewhat poorly acted, it was a phenomenal movie and I highly recommend it. Most everyone I've heard from have said it's been good for their marriage, as it's what the movie is about. However, I found myself relating the plot to my relationship with God and the infertility we're being asked to bear. So of course, I bawled. The lyrics below are the reason why.

I praise Him and thank Him and know how truly blessed I am for the things I do have. But for that one necessity of continuing life that is supposed to come so naturally - and is a directive of God Himself - I can't thank Him for. I hate being infertile. I hate that we can't have children like everyone else in this world (yes, I know that's an exaggeration). I am not thankful for being made to wait. I may be some day. But not today. And I'm finding the praise hard to come by today.

While I'm Waiting
by John Waller

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord