Better Balance?

Gil was out of town last week and happened upon one of the latest health gimmicks... balance bands. We've talked about it before, especially since they also tout back and joint pain benefits. We both suffer low back pain... Gil from his Army days and me from cliff-jumping into the river. I had a different one in mind from the tv ads simply because it's a bit more "feminine" and would complement my jewelry better.

This is what he brought home:
It's just like all those awareness bracelets... yellow for cancer, red for heart disease, pink for breast cancer... you know what I'm talking about. Yep, this one is just a black rubber band with a thin white line and the big letters E F X. Two little holographic dots are on the inside. Not very attractive. And it definitely doesn't complement or enhance my wedding ring!

I'm a skeptic. I'm a pessimist. I don't believe in gimmicks.

Late Friday night, after he came home, Gil had me do the balance test... stand on one leg with arms out and he pushed down on one arm... I about toppled over. I put the bracelet on and we did it again; I barely moved. I'm serious. I kept taking it off and putting it back on, having him re-test me each time. Each time it was off, I'd fall, and each time it was on, I barely moved.

I decided to give it a try. My weekends are always good test times for aches and pains. Stress of the chaotic work week catches up to me and by Saturday or Sunday and I'm usually laid up and propped up on the couch or in bed with intense low back pain and burning sciatica for at least half a day, if not a full one. (Which, in turn, makes the stress worse because I've lost a day of getting anything done!) And for the past three months, we've been remodeling so there's also been the added bonus of manual labor. I worked all through the weekend, bending with stress to my low back for hours on Saturday.

I didn't hurt more than the tiny ache I usually have every day... Saturday OR Sunday. The pain still hasn't caught up to me.

Coincidence? Or does it really work? I'm still skeptical... but I'm still wearing the band!!

Gotcha!

On this very day one year ago, we brought our children home. One year! We have been so blessed to have this time with them.

And now... we're 3 days away from finalizing our adoption and will have the promise of forever.

God is so good... even through all the bumpy (and downright stuck-in-the-mud) parts of this journey. We wouldn't be where we are now without them.

Happy Gotcha Day!

Coming home.

You are Mine

I went to a women's retreat with my mom yesterday; the topic was Baptism. It was a good time for me; I met some new people and saw an old and dear friend I haven't seen in way too long. It was a reflective time of personal contemplation and inner seeking.

I've been having a lot of issues in the past few years with hating my body... it's a broken body that doesn't work and fights against itself. It constantly causes me pain in one area or another. In my mind, it's an ugly body that forces me to restrict my lifestyle and activities in ways I don't like. PCOS has wreaked havoc in my life and Infertility may be the biggest but is only one side effect of this wretched disease.

We were given some scripture passages to ponder... Isaiah 43:1, Isaiah 49:15-16, 1 Corinthians 3:16, Galatians 4:6, and Isaiah 11:2. They were all written down on a sheet of a paper for us so I had them right in front of me. My mind kept wandering to just a few of the phrases so I wrote them out in the sequence my mind kept going to them... a mash-up of the first 3 scriptures I mentioned. It's probably the clearest the Lord has ever spoken to me.

Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit.
You are not your own. You are Mine.
I love you and I will never forget you.

I am His. This broken and ugly body I despise is His. I know we hear since birth we are made in His image and He doesn't make garbage and blah, blah, blah... But all my reading and prayer over the past couple of years keeps coming back to this message... or the aura of this message. He finally got fed up with me and gave it to me straight: "Your body is a temple. You are not your own; You are Mine."

Everything I am is what I'm meant to be. It's time to start accepting it... and loving it as He does.

Take, O take me as I am;
Summon out what I shall be;
Set Your seal upon my heart
And live in me.
(John L. Bell, Ostinato Refrain)

My baptism - Me in the center with my parents, godparents, the priest and my dad's sister and her daughter (baptized at the same time)

To Be Continued...

The waiting period continues as we seem to be extending the period where an appeal can be filed against our court order. Actually, that’s not entirely true although that’s exactly how it feels.

The time to file an appeal expired on February 13th… As of yesterday – four whole days after the fact – nothing had been filed and nothing had been received in the courthouse mail. According to our kidlet’s social worker and the state’s lawyer, we are being asked to wait just a bit longer because there have been times when a grace period for filing the appeal has been granted, especially with Ic.wA cases.

Here’s another kick to the gut: if the state doesn’t receive the appeal by the end of next week, the lawyer is going to call the tribe and ask what’s what. WHY? Why do we have to keep giving them chances and then reminding them when they don’t respond to the chances they were given? So frustrating.

But I’m actually doing really well with it all. I guess with all the waiting we’ve done to this point has only helped us be able to wait better. I mean, it’s been over six years of trying to grow our family and now a year since we found out we’d been blessed with these three beautiful children so what’s another week, right? I think the biggest factor for me is knowing that the judge is on our side. It’s hard to overturn a ruling when such a great case has been made. Right?

Regardless of the answer... these three beauties are worth all the time and waiting in the world.

Scattered Meanderings

I cannot believe this is my first post of 2011. Wow. A month and a half since my last post. I wish I could say nothing much has been happening but that's not the truth. I just really haven't felt like writing.

We started a remodeling project the weekend after Thanksgiving (we're building a master suite upstairs and moving the office downstairs) but we haven't even laid tile on the bathroom floor yet. We've been busy working on it every spare chance we get but between my husband traveling for work, just the plain simple busy-ness of parenting, and the other little things that crop up on weekends, we don't get a lot of time to work. What would've taken us a month to complete "pre-kids", we're now going on almost three months. I can only hope I'm sleeping in a new bedroom by St. Patrick's Day! I can also say that I only hope I can sleep! I haven't been sleeping well (which, sadly, isn't odd for me) and I've been tired and extremely fatigued at all times.

We've also been waiting endlessly for the legal proceedings to move with our kidlets. We finally found out in the middle of January that the judge ruled on the court hearing from December 14th. Yes, a full month after the fact, we finally got results of his order. He ruled in our favor, which should be a GREAT thing. However, yesterday was Day 30 after he signed that order and the last day for their tribe to file an appeal against it. We're waiting to see what gets delivered in the court's mailbox tomorrow. The tribe's Ic.wA specialist called our kids' social worker on Thursday and stated their intent to file so we could be in for many more months of waiting as the supreme (appellate) court does their job of sifting through all the findings.

It's an extreme under-statement to say these past six months have been stressful. It's been stressful on Gil and I as a couple, as individuals, on our parents and my brother... We've canceled our adoption proceeding twice now so I'm really hesitant to even petition for another hearing even if we hear there's no appeal in tomorrow's mail. I have a friend whose son's birth-parents filed their appeal on Day 33... they somehow got a grace period on their 30 days so couldn't that happen to us, too? I've got all these thoughts running through my mind tonight. Tomorrow may be the day... but will it truly be?

The kids' social worker told me today her whole department is on pins and needles to see what happens with our case. They've never seen anything like it, with a tribe filing an appeal against another tribal family all in the name of Ic.wA... especially since the relative fighting for the kids had over 2 years to become licensed and never followed through the 4 different times she said she'd take the kids (or kid, as she was only interested in 1 until she found out we brought all 3 home).

Anyway, the meditation for today's Mass readings has to do with seeking a sign (Mark 8:11-13). Here's an excerpt from "The Word Among Us" for today's meditation:

How about us? Everyone of us is regularly tested by God, as a necessary part of our growth into mature disciples. We can choose to see this testing as a good thing, or we can resist: "Lord, why am I facing this challenging road? Are you sure you want me to do this? Please send me one more sign to convince me that this is Your will!" For us, just as for these Pharisees, stretching our faith muscles can hurt sometimes!

I've never asked for signs from God. I've often asked Him "Why?"... and these past few weeks, I've really become self-indulgent in the wallowing, wondering why Gil's and my path to have children and grow our family larger has been so difficult. First with the infertility (which still isn't over, I don't think) and then with our first social worker and now in this situation with the kids' tribe. I know testing is a good thing in our path to maturity in our spirituality, but honestly, the testing for me has almost had an opposite effect. I haven't grown closer to God, I've grown further away. I've done lots of things to try and force myself closer, knowing I should be doing this or doing that... I've been reading more scripture and more books on spirituality, listening to more and more Christian music, loving the message and believing in it even if I don't feel it... but none of it has really helped. I understand Pas.cal's Wa.ger and I believe it can happen. All I can do is continue trudging on.

And since I mentioned trudging, I now have the movie "A Kni.ght's Tale" in my head. Maybe I should go take my mind on a mini-vacation and watch it.


Skip ahead to 4:50 for the trudging part.

Final Briefings

We were supposed to have finalized the adoption of our kidlets by now. When we said "Yes!" to bringing our children home, parental rights had already been terminated, I.cW.A laws had been more than adhered to, biological family and placements within the enrolled tribe had already been searched for and found to be lacking... We were not supposed to have anything stand in our way to adopt our children. We did not bring them home in a foster placement, we brought them home with the specific intent to adopt. There weren't supposed to be any glitches.

During the family selection meetings, the kids' tribe approved us as their final adoptive placement, as an I.cW.A adoptive placement. Now they're trying to back out of that, saying the tribal affiliations my family and I have aren't good or strong enough. The kids have a biological aunt (a full-blood sister to their birth-father) who is coming forward saying she now wants these children "back home with their family" and doesn't want them to be "raised by strangers". I don't believe our children ever lived with or knew much of their birth-father's family as they lived with and around their birth-mother's home and tribe (a different tribe than the father). This particular bio-aunt came forward twice in the first year and a half our kids were in foster care, saying she would be willing to take one, only one, of them. She was told what to do to be become licensed to foster/adopt and never followed through... twice. After the second time, she came back and said no, she'd gotten pregnant and now felt she could care for even one of them. (She has five sons, including the now-born infant, in her three-bedroom home). A month after we brought them home, she contacted the social worker again and stated she now thought she could take just one of them again but was told they were all placed into an adoptive home that would keep them together. Four months later, she came forward saying she now wanted all of three of them. Then nothing. She did nothing to follow through with it. The tribe did nothing to follow through with it.

The day we got our paperwork back from the state and set a court date to finalize our adoption, we heard we had to now cancel everything because they came forward yet again and we now have to proceed to another court hearing. I tell ya, the system sucks.

On December 14th, we had that court hearing. The tribe and the bio-aunt showed up, my family came to support us, and the kids had their lawyer as well as the state attorney. I was put on the stand to testify. I know my parenting skills aren't being called into question, I know it's just an aunt who feels she has some right to these children, I know I'm not dark-skinned enough in their eyes to be culturally considered as an "Indian", but it was still one of the very worst moments of my life having to be on that stand talking about how I've raised and how I would raise my children. My kids never even knew they were Native until we brought them home, they'd never been to a powwow... their foster family was "whiter" than I could dream of being and this bio-aunt was fine with the idea of them adopting our kids. But because they're now with us... ???

Then she got up the stand. And made me "feel" for her. I'm not in this to attack the bio-family. It was never our intention to keep knowledge of them from our children. We had already talked about setting up a visit with this aunt and it just hadn't happened yet. The thing is, she only saw them twice in the whole two and a half years they've been removed... and they were for family meetings with the state about the placement options for our kids she was invited to and paid to attend. She never tried visiting them otherwise. And what about their birth-mother's family? We already have open communications with them because of all the siblings our kids have, and we have a very open relationship with the one sister who lived with our kids and was removed from parental care with them. She's only been placed separately because she's under a different tribal jurisdiction. Would this bio-aunt continue all those family relations? No, I think not. She didn't have anything to say about that.

Anyway, this court hearing was neither good nor totally bad. The judge very obviously wanted to rule for our children to continue with us as their permanent adoptive placement but the tribal lawyer had gotten up there and spewed a bunch of crap about one single case influenced by some BI.a laws... not even I.cW.A laws, just BI.a "influences"... so the judge wanted to research them and give the lawyers time to present their fully prepared briefs. Today's the day they're due. The tribal attorney, the state attorney, the attorney representing our children, plus the CA.SA worker's recommendation are all due to the judge. He will then prepare his final ruling from the hearing hopefully by next week at the latest.

What could happen? The judge could rule that all is as it stands, they have nothing more to go on, and we can proceed with finalizing the adoption. OR, he could say this BI.a influence is big enough to abide by and the bio-aunt would then get the chance to try and become licensed as an adoptive placement by the state. She's already licensed by her tribe, but the state has different and more strict regulations. From everything we know, she shouldn't be able to get licensed. But... there's always that chance. If she gets licensed, we would lose our children. If she doesn't get licensed, we don't know what would happen. Would that then open it up for another search of family and tribal members, even though that was thoroughly exhausted more than a year ago?

What gets me is the tribe already approved us. They approved us as an I.cW.A placement and are now saying we're not. How can they do that?

And it's not about us. The thing that slays me the most is they could care less about our kids. This aunt was directly asked when she was on the stand whether she wanted the kids for her own self or for the best interest of the kids. She couldn't answer. She was asked three times in a row and couldn't answer. All she could say was, "I need my kids back in the family. They shouldn't be raised by strangers."

Lady, to our kids, you are the stranger, not us.

So, today's the day. Final briefings are due. We've already waited two weeks since the hearing. Hopefully, the waiting won't be much longer until we know the final outcome of the rest of our lives.

Merry Christmas!

The angel said to them, "Do not be afraid; for behold, I proclaim to you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For today, in the city of David, a Savior has been born for you Who is Messiah and Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find an infant wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger."
(Luke 2: 10-12)

Great little One!
Whose all-embracing birth
Lifts Earth to Heaven,
Stoops Heaven to Earth.
(Richard Crashaw)

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
(Charles Dickens)

Wishing you a very merry and most blessed Christmas.

Happy Birthday, Baby!

Today is Gil's birthday. I love these pictures taken when we were little kids... so much orange and pattern!


I love you, Babe. You are simply the best. I am so grateful to be able to celebrate your life on this day and how special that life is to all who know you. Happy Birthday.

Goodbye, Old Friend

Thanksgiving weekend, our oldest dog, Arrow, fell ill. He wouldn't move much, he stopped eating, we thought it was the end. But he was still alert. We didn't know if it was just hip arthritis setting in (he's almost 13) or what. By the next day, he would at least eat some duck and lamb treats we have. By day 3, he started eating his kibble again and by day 5 had resumed all normal habits. So we thought maybe it was just a bug.

Until today. He woke up this morning the same way he did that Saturday almost 2 full weeks ago. We called the vet and couldn't get in until late afternoon. When it came time to leave, Arrow would just not get up. We literally just lifted the blanket we put him on and carried him to the Subu.rban and had to carry him into the vet's the same way.

We didn't carry him back out.

The vet thought with much certainty he had a tumor either on his heart or in the heart's lining. His heart rate was way too high and his blood pressure was way too low. He had all the other classic symptoms. We could've opted for all the diagnostics under the sun to confirm it and then decide whether or not to do surgery that would maybe only extend his life for another year.

We opted not to do any of it. We could see the pain he was in... and has been in lately. Risking surgery with a heart condition for the possibility of a few more months just wasn't worth it to us. We sat there on the floor with him until his soul went to play (pain-free) with Sassy, Devil and Hiawatha.

Death is not easy, whether it be human or pet. We bawled like babies. Arrow's been my "ornery step-child" since he was 5 and he's the last of Gil's dogs from his life prior to me.

We love you, Bubbers. Now go and let Uncle M scratch your ears.

A Blessed Thanksgiving

I am blessed. I am thankful. I am grateful to a God Who has given me everything I need and so much of what I want.

I am blessed.

I am thankful.

I am grateful to have a husband who loves me more than any other human could love another. He loves me when I feel unlovable and he loves me when I act unlovable.

I am grateful to have three beautiful children who bless my every day with their inquisitiveness and hearts overflowing with love. I am grateful to finally hear the word "Mommy" and have it mean ME!

I am grateful to have parents who have always been there for me and will always be there for me and who have taught me what true, unconditional love is all about.

I am grateful for a brother who makes me laugh, who supports me and is there for me and mine in times of need and even in times we don't need (which are way better times, anyway!).

I am grateful for in-laws who love and accept me as one of their own.

I am grateful for a house that has become a home.

I am grateful for all the food I am able to make today (even though I wasn't planning on making anything).

I am grateful for all the men and women who sign up to sacrifice their lives to protect mine. Without them, I wouldn't have much of what I've listed above. I'm honored to be able to say my husband and my father are among them.

I am blessed.

I am thankful.

I am grateful.

And I never forget to pray for those who don't have a fraction of what I do. I ask you to take a moment to lift them in prayer right now, too.

Happy Thanksgiving.

What makes a child yours?

In continuing to honor National Adoption Month (November), I would like to share the following account of what defines a "real" child. Does giving birth to a child make them more real than having them delivered to your home in the middle of the night? Is that what creates that parent-child bond?

This is the most straight-forward and powerful definition of adoption I have ever heard. I was led to this blog by a very dear friend of mine (who has no personal experience with either infertility or adoption, by the way, but has also been one of the most sympathetic supports I have).

Here's an excerpt of the definition:

Switched at birth stories rarely happen anywhere outside of Salem or in hospitals other than General, but what if they did? What if your child was not connected to you by blood? Would it matter? Would you trade that child for your “own”?

I doubt many would. You may want to meet the other child. But in your heart? that child is a stranger. You don’t know what they like to eat, or how hard they press the issue of bedtime. You can hardly contemplate the thought of switching back.

Adoption is merely a form of delivery if you will. Some of our children joined our family by coming out of my body, others joined by coming out of a car, but I remember when each of them were handed to me for the first time. The first time I looked upon their amazing faces. And some even came with names which cut out that whole month of debate with hubby over which names were stupid and which weren’t.

So, the question remains, what makes a child yours?

I really encourage you to read the entire post. She does a great visual for those who may feel they wouldn't connect with a child they didn't give birth to.

A "Know"ing Rant

** Disclaimer: This rant is not aimed at anyone in particular or due to anyone's specific comment to me. It is a collection of thoughts I've had since our journey began almost five years ago, and another five years prior to that, if you count the PCOS issues. Please, if you think I'm writing out my very raw feelings here in response to something you've said to me, please know that's not true. This blog is a place for me to put my feelings and I love and cherish the support you give me - through constructive criticism or pure empathy, whether you've lived a portion of it yourselves or not - I love it all and I love you. This rant is personal and not due to anything anyone has said. **

Begin rant...

I know there are people out there - wonderful people, far better people than little ol' me - fostering and parenting and jumping through more hoops than I'll ever see to make their family "legal" in the eyes of the government. I know that. But does knowing that and, better yet, empathizing with that, make my journey any less painful for me?

I love the support I receive from the friends and family who give it... I cherish it and thank God for all He's given me in the people in my life. I also thank God and am humbled every day for the children He's entrusted me to care for and raise with the best of my ability to know and love Him and to be good stewards here on this earth. I thank Him for the most wonderful husband a girl could ever ask for. I thank Him for parents who gave me a happy, carefree childhood and who stood together through the test of time to show me what marriage and parenting really is. I even thank Him for my infertility... okay, maybe I've only thanked Him a couple of times for that one; more often than not, I still shake my fist at Him over that one.

I know what a good life He's blessed me with. I know I could always have it worse. When I'm really hating on my PCOS and infertility, I start my little mantra: It could always be worse. I could have cancer. I could have a disease that doesn't allow me to move, or see, or hear, doesn't allow me to experience the gloriousness of this world. I could have been victim to horrible abuses. I could have never "found" a husband, a godly man who loves me more than life. I could have, I could have, I could have...

I know it could be worse. And I knew what we could have been up against in our adoption journey. The very reason we didn't go into fostering with the intent to foster and see if it could lead to adoption is because of all the CPS and government regulated bullcrap that foster parents have to deal with. Children's best interest? BullCRAP! I grew up experiencing first-hand foster, and more specifically, ICWA bureaucracy...on an Indian reservation, for crying out loud. I knew my heart wouldn't be able to handle that. I know I'm weak. I know I play the "why me, Lord" card all too often when I'm feeling sorry for myself.

KNOWing all those things doesn't make our journey any easier for us to deal with. It's OUR journey, and knowing it could be worse like so many others, doesn't make our hearts ache any less. It does make us step back and thank God once again for not having it any more difficult than we do, and for giving us the resources to be able to deal with it all (emotionally and physically). But our hearts still ache.

Still Waiting

I'm going to post a complete update on information we've been withholding from everyone excluding a select few. It's just getting so old now and I'm tired of answering questions so I'm just going to lay it all out on the line.

These past 2 1/2 months have been wrought with many feelings, highs and lows. We celebrated 6 months with the kids on my birthday, which was just about the only happy thing I felt that day. Six months meant we were finished with the initial required waiting period and we could then go on to finalize the adoption. Our workers took a couple of weeks before they got all the paperwork together to send in to the state and, because the kids' worker had an "in" at the state, I guess they were rushed through a bit faster than normal.

In late September, we went to a Permanency Hearing for the kids, which was just a necessary step to complete in the foster/adopt journey, more paperwork if you will. The judge looked happy to see us, though we didn't say a word, and smiled at us numerous times while looking through the photo album we had made of the kids' first 6 months with us.

This was a good step, too, because in late July, we had received notice from the kids' worker there was a bio-aunt who came forward and wanted to take the kids. Their tribe was threatening to petition for jurisdiction over the kids. And then... nothing. No follow-through. No communication. Nothing.

Then, lo and behold, we got our adoption paperwork back from the state October 13th. On October 15th, we bundled the kids up and rushed into town to do some notary work and then I rushed to the courthouse to file our petition for an adoption hearing! Yay! We should be a LEGAL family of five by early November! Woohoo!

After I filed my petition and paperwork and paid our fees, I got home to an email and phone call saying to halt everything. The tribe's ICWA specialist called after a 3-month hiatus stating the bio-aunt still wanted the kids. I broke. After the initial news in July, I broke down but only for the rest of the day. It had been during the same week as Uncle M's death and funeral and emotions were already running at maximum so I felt more tears were warranted. I recovered and dealt with it fine after that, though. But this time... after we'd made it through all those extra hoops, I really broke.

I finally confided in a few friends about our situation because there was obviously something wrong with me and I wasn't holding it together very well. You know what I heard? Not from everyone but from just a few? Yep... those same ol' cliches... "What's meant to be will be." "God won't give us more than we can handle." "You knew there might have been this risk." "All the bumps in the road will be worth it in the end."

"Excuse me?" I wanted to shout!! "Are you at risk of losing all your children?! NO? Then shut up!" But did I do that? No, because I think I tend to be a very nice people-pleasing person so I just nodded and smiled a little, said thanks for keeping us in your prayers. And honestly, we all view life's situations from different perspectives and I've really been trying to keep that in mind. But I'll be honest in saying that 5 years of journeying through infertility and now through this mess has really made the very open book type person I was start to clam up something fierce. The word "fine" has entered my daily vocabulary. Anyway...

We were told the state attorney was going to file for a status hearing and present the latest information to the judge so we could proceed with the adoption without looking like we were hiding information. Okay, that makes sense. Then...

Apparently the tribe's attorney hadn't been privy to any of the information and only knew there was a bio-relative who wanted the kids and they thought that would be in the best interest of the kids. The tribe's ICWA specialist hadn't shared any info with the tribal attorney about the bio-aunt coming forward FOUR different times in the more than 2 years since the kids were removed from their birthparents... and never following through with the necessary steps to actually show she was serious about taking them. The ICWA specialist didn't even remember approving us an ICWA placement due to my tribal heritage and hadn't given any of the communications to the bio-aunt that we sent with that specific purpose. The tribal attorney had been lacking information and they were then presented with all of it with an invitation to appear at the status hearing (which we still hadn't received a date for yet) to state their desire to petition for jurisdiction or, since having received the complete history, not petition at all, which is what we were hoping for.

Ten days after the tribal attorney received all the information and we still hadn't received any notice about anything, I called the kids' worker again and she told me the state attorney had, in fact, NOT filed for a status hearing as she decided to wait and see what the tribal attorney would do. We weren't aware of that; neither was our kids' worker. Now that the tribal attorney has had time to make decisions or movement of any kind and hadn't done anything, the state attorney apparently decided they were just going to move forward with actually requesting a status hearing... I waited all last week for a date. Come today and we find out the state attorney had done NOTHING they said they were going to do and is supposedly going to file for it this week.

Who the heck knows? I've now been given the regional administrator's name and number and I phoned him this afternoon. We'll see if he can light a fire under the attorney's butt. Seriously, how hard can it be to file for a status hearing? (And yes, after saying that, I realize I don't work in the judicial system and I thank God for that... I'd go more insane than I do working in healthcare! I also thank God for all the work this attorney IS doing for us.)

So it's 9 months later and 3 months past where we needed to be to finalize everything and we're not any closer to being legal than we were before we brought them home. There is still a chance it can happen before the end of the year... I'm now hoping in time for Christmas when it should've been before Halloween.

Our legal systems (both federal and tribal) are definitely not set up with the kids' best interests at heart... which we knew beforehand... but now that we're living it, we're even more livid at the injustice of it all. As it's National Adoption Month and everyone's making pleas on the plight of children, please remember all the kids out there waiting still who haven't even been placed, much less adopted. Adoption isn't for everyone, I do know that, but it's something everyone should support in one way or another. Every child deserves a family who will love them unconditionally and give them a safe place to grow up.

UPDATE: I wrote this Monday night (11/15) after the news that the attorney had still not filed for the status hearing. I just got an email that she finally filed. Now we just wait for the date. And then, hopefully soon, we can file our own motion for the adoption hearing! And yes, I know how everyone's plates are full and we're not the only situation our state attorney has to deal with. I'm really trying to remember that. The thing that made us mad is that we were continually told she was going to be moving forward when she did nothing of the kind... until yesterday.

7 Years

Seven years ago, I went out on my very first date with Gil. We went to the Te.xas Roa.dhouse. I had a chicken critter salad and he had steak kabobs... nothing that should have warranted a three-hour dinner! We just couldn't stop talking with each other so we continued the talking for an additional three hours afterward.

That first year of dating brought many happy moments, followed by some very drastic not-so-happy moments. Three days after our first date anniversary, he asked for a second chance. I have to say how very thankful I am that I so totally believe in second chances. It's been nothing but heaven ever since.

Here's a picture taken 3 weeks after we started dating, our first picture taken as a "couple".


Seven years... and no signs of an itch!!

National Adoption Month 2010

November is National Adoption Month and, as you should know by now, adoption is near and dear to my heart. Our adoption isn't yet final, due to some unforeseen circumstances, which is common when adopting from foster care. Knowing that, however, doesn't make it any easier. I'm writing an update to be posted by the end of this week on what's been going on with our adoption journey over the past two months.

In the meantime, I have some things I want to share in honor of National Adoption Month. First is this post by a fellow blogger and someone I'm honored to call a friend, though we've never met outside of cyberspace. She has two sons she adopted through foster care (with her husband) and is going through the process again to add another son or daughter (or two!) to her family. She writes about questions that all of us adoptive parents are faced with at one point or another and I just think it's good information and education to have out there. So please, go read her post.

I love the Ad Council's PSA's, "You don't have to be perfect to be a perfect parent." My all-time favorite is this one about the hamster... I still get that giggle down deep in my gut when I watch it!

Cool Riders (as in "brrr")

One Friday in early September, we had a couple of friends who wanted to rent a Har.ley and go for a ride with us, so Gil took the day off and we left after my work shift was over in the morning. M & O are looking to purchase their bike or two and are trying out different models to see which ones they want to make their own. I think O was liking the Fatboy they rode this day until he rode my King home!

We bundled up as it was pretty chilly that day and we were going to be riding over a couple of passes. However, we were lucky enough to stay out of the path of rain (and snow) all day and it was a most fabulous day to ride! We rode through the southwestern part of the state and over roads and through valleys I've never actually been on before. We had a great ride and an even better day of hanging out with our friends. We continued the great fellowship by warming up from the mostly chilly ride with beer and pizza at their house with all six of our kids running crazy around us!

We've never had pictures of ourselves actually riding because I'm usually the one taking pictures and, uh, I haven't been brave enough to snap pictures while riding (very often!).

Me and my (soon-to-be-green) Road King.

Gil and his (slowly customizing) Fatboy.

Halfway to Seventy

Now that I've updated the events of August, a month of just being "present" and doing a bunch of fun things, I can start September, an emotional month with many high and lows and much more serious content.

The month began with my birthday which, for the past 4 years, has increasingly become more difficult. I don't mind aging, in and of itself, but it is still a reminder to me of so many things in our lives. This past year of my life brought about my first cavities and receding gumlines, my first pair of reading glasses, and my doctor's serious recommendation for a baseline mammogram. Yay! Can a person be any more excited to have any of those issues to deal with and then have them all come up the same year?! So... I have to heat my soft-bristle toothbrush with hot water prior to brushing, I have to wear my glasses as I look at a computer all day, and I got the girls squished.

But the real difficulty on my birthday is in realizing yet another year of potential fertility has passed us by. It's been over five and a half years of trying to get pregnant. I'm now in the "high risk" and "advanced maternal age" categories if I do, miraculously, become pregnant. My birthday brings with it another year of loved and cherished moments but also takes away another year of availability to try and achieve what most people take for granted. It's always a very bittersweet day and I was so thankful my husband respects my feelings and keeps things relatively subdued for me. I had a great dinner the night before my actual birthday with my parents and some really good friends... a GREAT dinner! But when I awoke the next morning, all I wanted to do was lay in bed and cry. And I did, for a bit. But then I had to wake up and make breakfast, clean, make lunch, clean, make dinner, clean... all in a day's work!

Bring on the Celts!

Towards the end of August, we went to our local Celtic Festival, where both the Scottish and Irish heritages were honored. I've never been to a fest where both were combined; it's usually one or the other and, beings as I'm both, I was really excited to go.

I was a little scared about how the kids would react to the bagpipes. They're not fans of anything really loud and Miss B kind of freaks out in really noisy, crowded situations. But our youngest, Lugnut, absolutely loved them! Miss B liked the Irish dancing and Bubba liked the kettle corn. I'm not gonna lie... that kid loves his food!

It was extra enjoyable as we spent the weekend with my parents and brother, who came and stayed overnight so we could partake in two days at the festival. My brother was upset he couldn't find a food vendor that sold haggis, as he really wanted to try it. I think he just really wanted to gross the rest of us out! But he and Gil enjoyed the whiskey, at least.

This festival was apparently the first one of its kind here. Gil and I went to the inaugural Hig.hland Games in my last place of residence, too, and though it was good, it was not near as large as this was. It had more and larger pipe bands, but the vendors were much more numerous at this one. Granted, it was both Irish and Scottish, not just Scottish, so that added to it a bit. But I think with some scheduling help, they can have quite the annual festival on their hands! It was so hard to choose what to do because they had the Irish dancing at the same time as the piping competitions which were going on at the same time as some of the Highland games. They didn't have a good program detailing the where and when and down-times were down for everything, so it wasn't possible to see all that we wanted... which was everything! As it was, I got small snippets of everything... just enough to make me frustrated I couldn't see more!

All in all, it was a great weekend and excellent family time. Totally worth it. And I cannot wait until next year's festival!

I call this the "Grand Entry" but I that's what we call it at a powwow... how about the Opening Ceremony?! I love seeing both the Scottish and Irish flags being carried.

There's few things more beautiful to me than respect shown to Old Glory... and a line of pipers wearing kilts!

I like how all the men are standing around watching this gal toss her caber. She did better than a lot of the men I watched.

Even a bit of modern Scots-Rock! Awesome.

And a pic of me... I actually think I look really good in this picture. "Good" is definitely not how I've been feeling about my physical self lately so it must be a testament to how great it is for a Celtic soul to enjoy some traditional time!!

Birthday Girl

We had Miss B's birthday while we were out camping because, well, definitely NOT because of the gorgeous weather that day! It turned out kind of cloudy and cool. And our poor little girl... she's blessed with a birthday right during back-to-school time and we had her party on a weekend when people were still shopping, getting in last-of-the-summer outings, reunions, etc., etc. So she had a pretty small turn-out for her "pony party" but it was good and she had fun. We had Italian sodas and cupcake cones (cupcakes baked in ice cream cones), which were a huge hit with the kids and one of my younger cousins who crashed the party.


Even Mommy liked baking the cupcakes... no cake to slice and serve, and no messy cupcake wrappers to peel and throw away. The whole thing was edible! And no comments on the pink party hat... I love my daughter enough to look silly and wear my most-hated color... which my home now has entirely too much of but thankfully most is confined to Miss B's bedroom!

I think D-man ate about 10 cupcakes!! Growing, basketball-playing college boys and their appetites... and talk about skinny! Dang him and his metabolism all to heck, anyway!

Even my parents' dog got in on the festivities... bless her good-natured heart. Such a good dog.

Miss B got some new clothes, some local university-themed gear from her uncle (who is actually a fan of the rival university!), a brand new play kitchen and a bunch of dishes and food to stock it, a new baby doll (who's dark-skinned, just like her), a Mr. Pot.ato Head and Family, in addition to other little toys. She absolutely loves her kitchen and plays with it every day.

And best of all? She gets to be the same age as her older brother for two months!

Another Mud Rig

As a "sort of" anniversary present to ourselves (like the bike trip wasn't enough!!) as well as having a bit of extra cash to be able to buy what we've been talking about for a few years now, we spent our one day back in town between the bike trip and our camping weekend purchasing a 2-up ATV. Yes, it's yellow and black just like my Jeep... and my Ste.elers! And, of course, my helmet is yellow and black, too, but I feel like a space invader or something with that big ol' guard across the lower half of my face.

We took it out that very first night and totally initiated it! We met up with a friend of ours and her kids on their dirt bikes and rode up in the hills behind our house. I may complain about the inconvenience of living in the country again but I sure do love it for the very reason of being so close to our favorite playground - the forested hills and mountains... not to mention the gorgeous sunrises and sunsets God gifts us with here.