Cancer Kills

Cancer kills more than just the person who receives the dreaded diagnosis. Well, the terminal kind of cancer, anyway. It kills hope. It kills dreams. It kills families.

For a refresher on the diagnosis and relevance of Uncle's cancer in our family, please read my original post by clicking here. Now... fast forward a year...

Over the past month, Gil's uncle has been admitted to the hospital three times. During this most recent admit (last week to present), we finally found out the reason for his uncontrolled pain and vomiting. Despite all the chemo, his cancer has caused an obstruction. When Uncle was initially diagnosed a year ago, he was already in stage IV colon cancer with mets to the liver and lungs and we knew it was terminal. Now, those liver mets have expanded and globbed on (yes, that's a technical term!) to his large intestine, creating a blockage that doesn't allow any output. This past Friday, we made a trip to visit him and took the kids so they could meet Gil's family. The day we arrived, he was having surgery to determine if the blockage could be removed or bypassed or, if unable to do so, place a colostomy bag to allow some output. He ended up with the colostomy because the obstruction couldn't be removed without removing his liver. The colostomy will allow him to eat and drink without vomiting (hopefully). It's been a year since his diagnosis but now we're in the final stages.

Cancer may kill... but in death is resurrection and new life and that is no more evident than during the Easter season when we celebrate new life and resurrection in Christ. Yes, cancer does kill. But so many other good things float in on the waves of tears that we don't immediately recognize (hmm... same could be said for a journey in infertility). We have grown closer as a family because we realize when faced with death that it's our relationships on earth that matter more than anything else we could ever acquire.

We don't understand the WHY of Uncle's cancer and why it was necessary for him to get sick just a year and a half after Grandpa died so suddenly from cancer. But as I've recently been reminded, we don't need to know the WHY. God does things beyond our understanding as any parent would do for their child. Imagine something as simple as a child not understanding why they have to take medicine for an infection... They may try to spit it out and scream and throw a hissy fit, but we have to force it down their throats anyway, because we KNOW it will help them in the long run. (Mine aren't like this, by the way. My little one is "old hat" when it comes to meds and breathing treatments.)

Like it or not, God knows. He knows death better than anyone, having sacrificed His own Son so we can live. It's not our place to understand. We only need to allow God to work in our lives and know that only good will come in His love for us.

Easier said than done but whoever said Faith was easy?!

Seventeen Days

Yep, it's been two and a half weeks since we brought our three little munchkins home. It almost feels longer than that while at the same time feeling like only a couple of days. I know I've been bad about updating but honestly, who has time to be on the computer when they're taking care of and entertaining three preschoolers all day?! I knew life was going to busy; I thought I'd at least find a moment to breathe. Hah!

It's been worth it. The first two days at home went really well and then the change hit them. We started having more tantrums and breakdowns during the day. Nights became endless as one child would wake us every hour to hour and a half with shrill screams, and the next four nights it was another child completely, followed by a night of tag-teaming between the two (and the dogs). But I can say that we've now had four successful nights without having to get up to console a screaming child. That doesn't mean we (and they) don't still wake up, but no one is getting up. The first night it happened, Gil was on duty and I actually woke up scared the next morning because I slept entirely through the night without waking once. Scared (1) because I didn't hear the kids scream all night and (2) because I slept through the night. Granted, I had taken some nighttime cold medicine but it's still extremely odd and out of character for me to sleep solidly through a night. It was a bliss I haven't had since.

We introduced them to their new names that first day and it was easier than I thought it'd be. They love having new names for their new home and new bedrooms and they respond immediately when they hear them. Now, after only two weeks, you can ask them what their names are and they'll tell you. L can even write his. When talking among themselves, they still refer to each other with their birth names but heck! Even I can't start calling someone by a different name very easily after years of calling them something else.

My mom is helping out tremendously by coming down to stay with us for two days a week while I try to get the bulk of my work hours in for the week. So far, my new work schedule has been going really well for me and getting up at 0330 in the morning has been easier than I thought it would be - definitely not easy, but easier than I expected. They LOVE Grandma T and Grandpa D (my parents)... mostly because they're great people but also, I think, because they bring them something new every time they come! =) I guess that's their privilege as grandparents!

We get so many compliments on how well behaved the kids are, and they really are. For having three small ones, going out in public by myself with them is amazingly easy. We've been shopping in multiple stores, eating in restaurants, going to the doctor's office... they listen pretty well. Communicating is still difficult sometimes because reasoning skills aren't there yet and they cry very easily when told "no" or even to "be careful" and L is very bossy and hates not getting his own way. Some of it is age appropriate but a lot is due to their situation. We will be dealing with regressed age developments and certain behaviors for quite awhile and we knew that going in. But they're smart, beautiful children who are quick to laugh and love being cuddled as much as they ask to be tickled. We talk to Daddy on sk.ype when we can and at least by phone every night. They all freak out when they see his picture on my phone and they start waving and yelling "Hi Daddy!" Enough to melt your heart.

We're establishing some good routines. Grace before meals was a new concept to them (in addition to everything else) and I can't even begin to explain how humorous I thought their looks were when I tried showing them how to make the sign of the cross (yes, we're Catholic). They looked at me like I was some alien life-form from another planet completely off my rocker (which I should be used to just for BEING Catholic!). But I'm using our standard prayer before meals rather than free scripting it so they can say it easily along with me. They're so darn cute with their eyes squeezed shut and hands pressed together in front of their faces (yes, I'm sneaking peeks!). We have playtime, color time (with letters, numbers, etc), backyard time, and bike/walk time. Grandma T takes them to story time at the library (except today because of "the visit"). Most days we get to nap right after lunch but we have skipped it a couple of times and they've done really well with that. We're working on toilet training with B and Z. Any progress B might've had with it at her previous preschool has regressed with the change and Z has never been introduced to it.

Z has to do nebulizer or inhaler treatments for his asthma, especially since he contracted a cold five days after getting here, and subsequently giving it to me (I'm on day 10). I got him established with a pediatric NP and we have him on a daily regimen now to hopefully keep his asthma under control.

A very good friend of mine gifted me beyond measure by sending me her custom-designed baby carrier. I really wanted to carry one, if not two, of our children for bonding purposes as well as ease of maneuvering in certain situations. The first week of attempts with Z did not go well. He wanted to be held at all times but hated the carrier. He cried non-stop while he was in it but didn't want to be put down when I took him out of it. I was frustrated, he was frustrated. We had an amazing turn-around this week and he now doesn't want out of it!

We're going to the school's healthy child screenings this Friday and I'm working on getting previous speech therapy reports so hopefully by next week, I'll know how to proceed with getting them re-started with their speech therapies. L and B were seriously delayed just over a year ago due to the neglect but after a year of therapy have gotten right on track. Z was too young to be seriously assessed so I'm hoping that a basic screen this Friday will offer more information. He does a lot of "baby talk" for an almost three-year-old but he knows a ton of words. I'm not overly concerned there but still... more things to be aware of.

We had our first post-placement visit with our social worker (sw) today and it went really well. Very informal and basically just a visit to touch base, talk about what's happened since we brought them home, and answer any questions. Our sw impressed upon us today, too, that we should try to hold off on re-establishing contact with the foster family for at least another month and not visit their home for even longer, so it doesn't bring up the past and reinforce all the change and possibly induce more regressions and confusions. So much to think about.

So... that's where we're at. Pretty mundane things for all you parents out there but hey! You're the ones who've been asking for updates!

When One Door Closes...

I know many of you are wanting an update and I've been extremely remiss in getting one written until now. As it is, I'm sacrificing sleep when I literally just fell asleep during my nightly phone call with my husband!

This past Friday, we drove to see our kids again... we were supposed to have dinner with them and the foster family Friday, pick them up Saturday morning, have dinner with foster family again Saturday night, and then do our sleepover with the kids at the hotel and bring them home Sunday morning. When we called J-Mom (foster-mom) as we arrived in town Friday, she asked (hopefully, I think) if we'd be willing to do a sleepover Friday night! Okay... duh. YES! When we knocked on the door, J-Mom opened the door looking just a bit frazzled and our two youngest kids come running to the door with huge smiles and arms up to be lifted. I wanted to feel sympathy for J-Mom but the joy from seeing our kids run to us like that far outweighed it! Z even had his jacket and was starting to put it on so he could go with us.

I think I've noted before that this foster family isn't going to be taking any more foster placements (they've had over 30 placements, both long and short). They have two adult children and an 8 y/o they've already adopted. Now that we are adopting our 3 kids, they will be adopting the remaining the 3 children in their home. Sadly, these 3 children are meth babies, ages 2, 4 and 6. The 4 y/o is the same size as our 3 y/o, who is petite for 3... whether due to early neglect or due to the fact that she was a 33 week preemie, I don't know. Anyway, the 4 y/o is i-n-s-a-n-e... totally bouncing off the walls every second of every minute. Imagine a kid with the worst case of ADHD you can... now multiply it by ten. Poor little thing. Just cute as a bug, too. But J-Mom and Papa-M are some of the best foster parents I've ever been privy to knowing and they are the best parents in the world for this little girl and her brothers. Those kids have a great chance at a great life now.

But I digress. I've heard that being tired can do that to a person! ;)

J-Mom had one of her hardest weeks ever with little A (the 4 y/o I described above)... and Friday was just the cherry on top, apparently. We were helping her out by taking our kids Friday night. So we got their stuff and headed off, had dinner and then went back to the hotel to do some swimming. When we started to walk into our room, however, little Z had a bit of a breakdown. We knew - in general - it would happen... the sadness and confusion from the change... and I had ached for the pain my children would go through before we ever got to this point. But seeing Z cry and not being able to do anything for him but hold him and rub his back and murmur in his ear just about killed me. What's worse? Knowing it would be only the first of many episodes. We got him calmed down but he didn't want to go swimming so Mommy lucked out by not having to parade around a public pool in her swimming suit and we sat in a lounge chair watching Daddy with L and B.

We had a good night. We got them all down in their sleeping bags and they went out. We didn't. We tried. But when it's your first night and you're in the same room with 3 little ones, every toss and turn and cough and sniffle has you sitting up straight in bed and waiting to see if you have to jump up to soothe them back to sleep or not. Gil and I did not get very much sleep at all that first night! But we made it through and the kids were great. We got up, had breakfast, and spent the morning at a museum for children where we wore them out playing. We grabbed lunch to take back to the hotel and then laid down for naps afterward. They all slept for 2 hours; I got in just over an hour by the time I finished checking in on Fac.ebo.ok! I haven't napped in forever! Boy, it felt good! We spent the rest of the afternoon playing at a park before B had an episode of bad diarrhea (thankfully in her pull-up) and L decided he really needed to go both number 1 and number 2... and the park restrooms were all locked. We had to drive somewhere to use a restroom before heading off to meet the foster family for dinner.

Here's a tip: don't ever go to Gol.den Cor.ral on a Saturday evening with children... much less 7 children and 4 adults. Apparently, they don't utilize trays anymore. Ever try carrying 11 drinks and herding 7 children (under the age of 6) through a massive crowd of people fighting for the last piece of food being served? I don't recommend it. I also don't recommend going out to eat with that many children where you have to serve yourself and fill and carry all those plates. Pay the tip to have a waiter take your order and serve you. I don't care if the kids don't eat free. Take my advice.

But it was a good dinner and a good time for the kids to visit and have a chance to say goodbye. We had another successful night at the hotel (with a much smaller breakdown for Z) and we all, yes, all 5 of us, went swimming. So it was good. Until morning... when I took a shower and the water backed up into the sink. I hadn't run any water in the sink. But it kept filling. So the hotel plumber came up. It was an hour before anyone else could shower, which really put us behind in our attempts to hit the road. So we grabbed a quick breakfast, headed to say one last goodbye to J-Mom and Papa-M, took some pictures, and loaded up the Jeep to come home.

We're home. All 5 of us. Well... we were all 5 home until Gil had to leave for his weekly work travels Monday morning! But the kids are doing great. We started incorporating the new names yesterday (Monday) and talking about living in our new house. They love their new bedrooms. They ask about Daddy a lot and we sky.pe just before bedtime so we have a chance to "see" each other and say good night. Today, L and B each had 2 little tantrum episodes but they were over relatively quickly. They'll start testing more the more they settle in and they're bound to go through the grief cycle, too, so we're expecting that... as well as some behavior regression. We heard J-Mom's name a little bit more today. Z is pretty clingy. His social worker says he tends to be that way but we never saw it to this extent in all the time we visited. He wants to be held at all times (which I have to say I don't mind too much... it gives me some of the feeling of having the "baby" we missed out on) and today displayed a lot of depression-like lethargy. He perked up in the late afternoon, though, and played and laughed a lot more again so that's a good sign.

All in all, I think we're doing pretty dang well. And yes, the pillows thrown on my dog-hair laden floor are totally worth all the laughter and giggles I hear when a little boy "breaks" down his "fort" and lands on them!

HP Strikes Again

When we were in town visiting our children, we were able to meet-up with another HP (Hannah's Prayer) friend of mine. We met for breakfast Saturday morning so we were also able to meet each other's spouses. Meeting K was like meeting an old friend, someone I've known for awhile. Talking and laughing with each other was very natural and easy-going. J is military, too, so he and Gil had things in common, not to mention J&K just bought a new boat so there was plenty of talking about that and Gil drooling over it! We had a great time and probably could've talked all day but we were due to go meet our kids for some play time so we had to part ways... for now!


I may not "need" HP as much for infertility support as I did when I joined over two years ago but some of the friendships I've created there have been a true blessing from God. And now that I've been able to meet two of them IRL (in real life), an even greater blessing. I can't wait to meet some of my other "neighbors"!

Weekend Update

"Weekend Update"... LOL! Makes me think of SNL (Satu.rday Nig.ht L.ive) when it was good and funny to watch in the early '90's. Maybe it's simply a generational thing and that's why I can't stand to watch it anymore. When Da.na Car.vey, Mi.ke Mey.ers and Ch.ris Fa.rley left, the show ended for me.

Anyhoozers... none of you are wondering about SNL and my views on it... you're wanting to know how our first weekend with our kiddos went! In a word: FANTASTIC! I was so nervous walking up to the house... Foster-mom had sent her other kiddos to a drop-in child care (which sounded like a mini theme park so they weren't too distraught at going!) so we would only be bombarded with our own children. We walked in and the younger two were jumping on the couch (I knew I should've bought that trampoline when I saw it on sale!) and our oldest was watching a show on tv that he wasn't too happy at having turned off before it was over. He settled down quickly, though, which was a good sign. We were tickling and romping around with all 3 of them before we even knew it and they were climbing on us and giving us hugs... very happy, well-adjusted children. At dinner time, they sat, ate and were very well-behaved. The boys have big appetites but throughout the weekend, we found that our youngest could probably out-eat the other two combined!

I guess I should introduce you to them: L is 4 years old and a "big boy". He has a very engaging personality, loves to talk all about race cars and trains, and likes to play basketball. He has a mouth full of caps and pulled teeth due to excessive bottle use and soft enamel issues but they're all baby teeth that'll be replaced with permanents in the coming years. R is 3 years old. She's very quiet with her words but loud and forthcoming with her giggles. She likes her baby dolls and kitchen toys (and yes, the color pink) but gets rough with the boys just as easily. S is 2 years old and such a little sweetheart. He's very quiet though he does speak. He loves being tickled and though he'll follow his older siblings in their daredevil shenanigans, he'll think it through first and then act once he decides on what the outcome will be. They all like Do.ra the Exp.lorer and Veg.gie Tales. L loves Light.ning Mc.Q.ueen, racecars and trains so our plans to decorate the boys' bedroom in cars and automobiles will work pretty well. R's already become quite the Daddy's girl and S, well shoot... S is probably the most loving and snuggly little 2 y/o a Momma could ask for.

We've decided to change their names, using their birth names where we felt we could and should. We had names picked out for our children but when we met them, decided that they really didn't fit. We waited until our drive home today to start talking about their names and it took us about 4-6 hours before we could decide on anything that fit and that we liked. We'll spend a couple of months transitioning them not only into our home and family, but into their names. Our children are the most blessedly perfect children God could have given us. We feel very lucky that through this foster-care system we all hear horror stories about, we are receiving the gift of 3 young children who are well-balanced, charming, and loving. We are blessed that we've had two of the best foster-parents we ever could've hoped for caring for our children until they were able to come home to us.

We spent Friday evening at their foster-parents' house and had dinner with them before saying goodnight and seeing them off to bed. Saturday we met for lunch and then, after their naps, went back to play and then took them out to dinner. We did take some pictures but until we have finalized our adoption with them, we cannot post any pictures online for their safety. Sunday, we picked them up for breakfast before going back to pack the truck full of some of their things. Their foster-parents are being extremely generous as they don't plan on taking additional foster placements. They currently have a son (whom they've adopted) in their home and 3 additional young foster children they are planning to adopt. They sent totes and boxes of clothes, toys, books, videos, as well as giving us toddler beds and car seats. I'm in the process of sorting through them to see what all's there so we can figure out what all we still need.

I have a busy week cleaning and organizing the house to be ready for bringing them home this next weekend (in addition to working 10-hour days). We have some smoke damage my mom is coming down tomorrow to help with and piles upon piles of laundry (our clothes, all the smoke-damaged items from the coat closet and linen closet, plus the bags of children's clothes and bedding sent home with us). It's going to be a busy week. But at the end of it, we get to go spend a weekend swimming and visiting museums with our children and then we bring them home on Sunday!

New Friends

In between all the projects we're trying to complete this week in preparation for bringing our children home, I was blessed to be able to have dinner with a new friend last night (Tuesday). This is a friend from "HP", what we "locals" affectionately refer to when speaking of Hannah's Prayer, our online Christian support for infertility, pregnancy/adoption loss, and all things related to the matter (and NOT related, for that matter! We can get some crazy, off-the-wall subject threads going!).

This friend, M, is one of the few (there are 4 of us) from our state in this online community and when we moved last summer, we moved within 20 miles of where M lives! Yes, it's taken us 8 months to get together, but we finally met!


This is a horrible picture as my little "pocket" camera I keep in my purse for occasions such as this is getting used and abused and needs to be replaced. I'm glad I'm realizing this now, though, so I remember to lug along our big, fancy camera for good pictures this weekend. I'll be meeting another HP friend Saturday morning for breakfast when we travel to her city... which is where we'll be meeting our children!!!

Nesting Period?

We had our meeting with the children's social worker on Friday and it's official... we will be meeting them this weekend and bringing OUR children home on March 7th! In a record-breaking, shortest ever gestation period of 3 weeks, I had this past weekend to "nest". I spent it painting the kids' bedrooms. My folks came down on Saturday and helped out tremendously. Dad muscled a bunch of boxes and stuff from our daughter's room that has been used as extra storage since we moved in. Mom and I worked for a good 3 hours or so on some wallpaper border in the boys' room before we could start painting. I still have half of a room to paint (freshening color, so it'll go fast, but this is the room I hadn't planned on painting) and trim to hang. We'll know more after this first visit how much we still need to get in order and next week will be even busier, I'm sure.

Gil spent the weekend in the workshop trying to get some furniture built that's been on our short-list of things for the house. So far, he's built two high-top tables for our game room, two end-tables and a coffee table for the living room. Tomorrow night, he'll start on the entertainment "hutch" for the living room. We have a flat screen mounted on the wall so a traditional entertainment center isn't necessary, but he's building me something similar to a dining room buffet to store our tv/dvd/stereo equipment and cubbies for our cd's and dvd's. Mm-hmm... you know all that building this week only means I get to stain and varnish next week... like I won't have enough to do already!

Tomorrow, I have a meeting with my bosses about my work schedule. We cannot afford for me to quit working or even go part-time at this point (or ever, maybe). But during this first year (give or take a month), we really need to have a constant presence in our children's lives because of the nature of adopting older children. We don't want to out-source our child care at this point and really want to have as much quality bonding time with them as possible. So... many prayers that this meeting will go well and I'll be able to optimize my time with the kids during their "awake" time.