National Adoption Month was started specifically to bring awareness to adoption from foster care. There are currently about 129,000 children in foster care awaiting adoptive placement; this number does not reflect children who are in foster care still going through the reunification process. Adopting from foster care brings up so many issues that are different from infant adoption. The biggest concern for me? Attachment.
I'm hoping love and patience will be our biggest help when we begin the process of attachment but I'm not optimistic enough to believe that's all we'll need. Children in foster care are typically older and have had attachments broken more than once... with removal from their parents, maybe reunified and removed again, placed in and possibly moved from more than one foster home... their trust in the attachment process is broken more with each move.
A good friend recently gave me some very good advice on child care, looking for it early and being prepared. Believe me, it's nothing I haven't already thought about. But when I think of our children possibly coming from the foster system, I have to think about their attachment issues. They won't have had previous time to bond with us. Ideally, to create the best attachment and bond as possible, I want to be with them 24/7 building that relationship and trust. If I send them to someone else, they're not going to know who to trust. I've been pondering the idea of convincing my bosses to let me work a split shift - 4 hours in the morning before kiddos wake up and 4 hours at night after kiddos have gone to bed. Best case scenario, that leaves me with a possibility of a 4 hour nap between work times. And I'm willing to do it. I'm lucky to get 4 hours most nights now! (For now, this is just a pipe dream; nothing active is happening on the adoption front. I'm just trying to brainstorm ideas.)
However, one bright spot to look at while dealing with the turmoil of breaking another attachment to bring children home to us from foster care... if they've been able to form that bond with their foster family, it's highly likely to happen again. Not without issues, I'm not that idealistic, but it's a good sign. And thankfully, we'll have access to resources and counselors to help us with the transition.
Who else needs to think about counselors and therapy when bringing their child(ren) home?
Another PSA...
The Real World is NOT What They Said
12 years ago
1 comment:
You are a great writer, Sara. I'm proud of all the detail thinking you have done when it comes to these children that will someday join your family. There's a lot to consider. You've worked so hard to think of everything. Way to go! I can tell you that I was in counseling the entire time I was pregnant with my third child. All roads to parenthood have their own unique rocky bumps. Some more than others. Your kids will have a profound love that will-over time-give them a sense of security that they never knew they could have before. Frankly, they are very lucky people to be coming to your home. They will have the benefit of knowing that they were CHOSEN and your journey is going to help you in your parenting, your marriage, your children's lives, etc. There's a reason you've been through so much. You aren't going to get the answers right now, but when they show themselves to you, you will be in awe. I love you very much, Sara. You are awesome!
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