Dogs on the Loose

Gil and I went on a man-hunt today. Or more like, were forced into a dog hunt. The three furbabies got loose through an open garage door and took off running. I caught up with Arrow in the backyard of one of our neighbors, engrossed in sniffing all the fun smells of their two dogs. Mojo and Karma, however, decided to take Gil on the run of his life... and I'm sure when he heard screeching wheels on the big through-street north of our house, he about had a heart attack. He was able to finally get Karma to know he meant business so she laid down and did her submissive dog routine (she doesn't come but will lay down, roll over on her back, and let you get her), but Mojo continued to run. I had, by this time, gotten Arrow safely locked into the kennels at home and hopped in the Jeep to resume the search. I passed Gil leading Karma home and he pointed me in a general direction of where to look. Thankfully, it didn't take long and I found a group of young teenage girls holding onto him and showering him with affection at a nearby softball field. I couldn't begin to thank them enough and had barely hooked him to the leash when Gil comes around the corner in the truck. Apparently, these girls had called the number on Mojo's tag and were able to tell Gil where they were. Thank goodness there are still good Samaritans in this world.

(This picture is from awhile ago but it's one of an extremely few that contains all 3 of them. They panted pretty hard and laid around for quite awhile... and then shadowed us in suck-up mode for the rest of the day!)

All Jacked Up!

Most of our "big" Jeep upgrades are now completed. While I was laying around recuperating from my surgery, Gil busted his hiney in the garage trying to get everything done in one short weekend.

For a reminder, here's what the Jeep looked like on the day we got it:

Here he is putting the 4" lift kit on. He also did some other things under there, like a new pitman arm and other small things to make sure everything worked out.

The new steel front bumper we purchased was supposed to allow use of the stock fog lights. Unfortunately, the holes were about half as big as they needed to be. Here you can see Gil working on expanding the hole size and making custom light brackets. He also rolled his own "grill guard" on the pipe bender (I know, honey, this is justification for purchasing a "tube" bender now) and welded everything together. He even "custom" designed and welded guards to encase the fog lights.

And here's the final product! We also added 35" tires which give a total lift of 6" from stock height. We're waiting on some black rims that have been back-ordered twice... won't those look sweet when we get 'em on? I love the all-black accents.

Yes, I know... my baby spoils me. But hey! It's just as much for him as it is for me. And I honestly think he gets a kick out of people's reactions when he tells them it's his "wife's Jeep".

Disclaimer for Sunday's Post

I didn't post a meme blog again yesterday. Truth be told, I was thinking too much about my last post written on Sunday and I couldn't focus on anything else. I believed I had thought about it enough prior to writing it and worked out all my issues and questions with what I wanted to say. And I was pleased with how nicely written I thought it turned out. However...

I know that I have many friends and loved ones who could be offended by what I said in reference to Mother's Day. I meant no offense or insult and I'm truly sorry if my message was interpreted that way. I was not writing in regards to myself and my infertility, specifically... I was just trying to put an awareness out there that millions of people hurt something fierce on this holiday for many different reasons. To me, it's like donating gifts and food to the less fortunate for Christmas... remembering someone other than myself while celebrating and giving thanks for my own blessings.

I am not angry at those who are able to conceive by a method so simple as sex (huh? does that happen?!!) and have children to dote on and love more than life itself. That's the way it should be! That's a miracle to be celebrated and I share in that celebration. I do admit to a bit of jealousy that simple sex doesn't work for me and I do admit to having some anger issues with God about what my purpose in life is, but I do not resent others their gift of children. If my post led you to believe this is how I felt towards you, I apologize for that hurt. Pain is the last emotion I want to share.

Happy WOMAN'S Day

Wouldn't that be nice? A day just for women? It shouldn't matter if you're a mom or not, we as women do amazing things. This commercial and marketing holiday essentially tells the world you're only blessed and special if you've given birth and have children. I disagree. And I have to say, it hurts.

Not only for people like me who want more than anything to have a child and are unable to, but what about those who've lost children before they've been able to hold them physically in their arms... those birthmoms who made an adoption plan for the child they birthed... those people who have lost their moms to illness or death and are missing them... those moms who are estranged from their children? Days like these make it really hard for those who are hurting and it keeps getting shoved down our throats no matter what we try to do to avoid it.

I remember last year, we took a drive to see Gil's paternal grandmother and we met his uncles and aunts at a local cafe. We cozy up to the bar to have lunch and some guy is walking around handing out flowers to all the women. As he's handing one to me, he asks, "Are you a mom?" and when I give him that deer in the headlights look and quietly mumble "no", he takes it back. He had already given it to me and took it back. How's that for a slap in the face? I'm sorry, ma'am, you're not feeling quite bad enough today, let me make it a little worse for you.

I love my mother and I do honor and cherish her. But I do it every minute of every day. I don't need a holiday set aside just to do so. I would prefer people to show their love and appreciation for you on other holidays, like birthdays and anniversaries, days that are just yours so you don't have to share them with anyone else. Or on some random day that has no particular meaning... doing something special out of the blue and totally unwarranted makes it so much more special and exciting.

As for myself, I choose to hide away during the weekend of Mother's Day (Father's Day is coming up, too). Don't be mad if I choose to avoid church for the sake of protecting my hurting heart. I love my God and I can worship Him in my own time. Even the simple "Happy Mother's Day" while I was in the checkout line at the store this morning, as my stomach is aching from the laparoscopy I had to have because I'm barren and unable to have children, as innocently as it was stated, was enough to wound me to the core. Though this holiday may be something you look forward to because of what you'll receive from it, I just ask that you please be aware there are plenty of hurting people out there with nothing to celebrate.

Life: Imagine the Potential

The video says it all...

Path to Insanity

I'm sorry. Again. Seems like all I'm doing lately is apologizing for not writing on my blog. There's just so much going on. The whole moving thing disrupted our already chaotic life. Now we're looking for house and land to buy while we're still living here and it's difficult to "see" what we're looking at. Specs that look good on paper don't always look so good in person.

Gil's job is going great... except for the fact that it takes him from me every week. It'll be better once we move and he can actually come home some evenings. But for now, he's working there and living here so he stays there during the week. In the midst of packing, it leaves me feeling a little lonely and overwhelmed, despite the outpouring of offers to help from friends who are already missing me. (I'm already missing them, too. The worst part about moving is leaving my friends here.)

I've been very lucky to be able to retain my job. They're going to let me keep my current duties and work remotely from home on a "trial" basis. If it ends up not working so well being off-site, we'll look for other duties I can perform without having to have so much person-to-person contact. As it is, I already have to plan for at least 4 trips back just through the summer. Ugh. But I'm grateful that I don't have to look for work on top of everything else.

The biggest thing that happened this week is the laparoscopy and tubal dye study I had yesterday. I was more freaked about having to have an IV than I was about the actual procedure. We have a brand new outpatient surgery facility and it was nice to be able to test it out and see it for myself. It's a beautiful facility and I love the care I received. Truth be told, I was really hoping for a positive pg test so I wouldn't actually have to go through the procedure, but it was negative (no real surprise there). They had this really cool gown for me to wear. It was discardable, sure, but it could be hooked up to a heater (think hair dryer) that pumped warm air all through it to keep me warm. I told Gil I needed one for home! Talk about being pampered! Then the anesthesiogist came and talked with me and I really liked him. He said I probably wouldn't remember anything of my time in the "induction" room before surgery but I do and I told him afterward that he was a liar for saying that. I remember absolutely everything up to the point of my 6th "deep breath" after laying on the operating table.

I went in at 9:45 and was only in there for about an hour; Gil was able to bring me home by 1:30 in the afternoon. I really disliked coming out of that anesthetic fog and I was pretty droopy... I slept until 6:30 last night before I felt like I could stay awake for any length of time. They put little Snoopy bandaids on my incision sites, and they're just a bit sore today. No major pain... my arms and shoulders were a bit sore last night but that's now cut back to just the shoulders. The shoulder pain is due to the amount of gas blown into my abdominal cavity pressing my diaphragm up into my lungs and therefore pressing everything up against my shoulder region. I have some dye stains on some unmentionable areas that I worked on cleaning this morning (mostly to no avail). Because the dye was blue, Gil said it looked like I "ate some smurfs and got the squirts!" Sorry if that's TMI!!! I'm grounded to the house today, though; Gil's at work but I've had two friends already stop in and Gil brought home lunch, mom's called a couple of times, so now I've been checked on plenty and I'm ready for a nap as soon as I publish this post.

Findings of the procedure, you ask? Not much. One of my fallopian tubes had a difficult time allowing any flow through and something was odd with the fimbria, but it sounds like she worked on it 'til she got the dye to flow more freely through it. My ovaries are about as nasty as to be expected with my very stereotypical PCOS. Sorry, the findings were discussed with Gil while I was out so I don't have anything more specific than that. I asked him if she said anything about endo and she didn't, so I'm assuming I don't have any... which is good. I know it's good, but it's all somewhat bittersweet. I like not having any (bad) additional findings but I hate not knowing what's causing the pain and abnormal bleeding. Oh well. I'll focus on the fact that it's good news.

Guess I'd better contact our social worker, too. I haven't let him know we're moving yet. Been putting it off because I don't want any adoption possibilities to be put on hold. Ergh. Hopefully, we'll find a house right away and get re-inspected and back on the list as soon as possible.

Oldies but Goodies

Monday's Meme

Remember back in the days....

1. What were your favorite cartoons when you were a kid?
Loo.ney Toons, Smu.rfs, The Flin.tstones, and The Je.tsons

2. What was your favorite music? Your fave singers?
I grew up on all the music my folks collected so it was very eclectic… some of my fave’s in the late 70’s/early 80’s were Flee.twood Mac, Car.ly Sim.on, Ala.bama, and Ken.ny Rog.ers.

3. Who was your best friend growing up?
I don’t know that I had any single best friend as there was a group of us who went from day care to graduating high school together. I was also really close with one of my cousins, who was practically like another brother growing up.

4. Any embarrassing fashion fads? Example: funky clothes, wild hair etc....
Junior high to early high school… the rolled and tucked pant bottoms, men’s funky print shirts, those sweaters with huge blocks of bright colors all over, colored socks to match the shirt, and the female mullet hair-do. At one time, I even wore a dog collar as a bracelet.

5. What did you want to be when you grew up? Did you become that?
I thought I wanted to be a pediatric nurse or elementary school teacher. No, I didn’t become either of those and it’s probably a good thing. If I had to be either one of those while dealing with infertility, I’d probably have been committed to the insane asylum by now.

6. Are you still a kid at heart?
About 50% of the time, yes I am. The world is a much brighter and happier place when you can find the novelty in basic everyday things.

Meme courtesy of Randomness.