The Compassion Theory

I’m going to “blog steal” again and reference a post at “All You Who Hope”. Karey sure knows how to hit the nail on its head... or me straight in the gut. I’ve had a difficult time reading this post and have gone back to it multiple times in the past 5 days since she wrote it. I don’t want our IF to be our “calling to compassion” in this life. I can think of so many other illnesses, traumas, anything to make me learn compassion... heck! I had compassion before I knew I was IF so why do I need to learn more about it?! Yes, I notice my statements always come back to me and what I want and I know it’s not about that. It’s about what God wants for me. I just wish I knew why (the ever-present question – why?) He placed these desires in my heart, in my soul, and has chosen not to bring them to fruition. It’s like dangling a biscuit in front of a dog’s nose, teasing and tormenting them with it, and then not letting them have it. How cruel is that?

Here’s the post, titled “A Calling for Compassion”:

I heard something the other day that struck me, but before I say what it was, I should point out that I have no idea where I heard it. It could have been on one of your blogs (I apologize, if that is the case), on T.V., in real life, or maybe even in a dream. I have a hazy memory of it with images, so I'm leaning towards T.V. or dream.

So, anyways, a man was talking about a woman who had gone through some sort of struggle and said that at least it allowed her to have compassion for others. That, of course, got me thinking.

I'm always wondering why God wants me to bear this cross. The "why" has been so important to me. I wonder if I'll find out one day, if I'll look back on it years from now and it will all make sense, or if I won't have answers until I'm in heaven, if I'm blessed enough to make it there. But what if the answer all along was that I'm going through infertility in order to have compassion for others, and nothing else?

At first it might sound simple, too simple to be the answer we might want to hear. It always seems better when I imagine that this is all part of some grand plan of God's, one that has several layers and intricate associations. But it may, in fact, be just about compassion. And isn't that enough?

If God were here today and asked me Himself to go through infertility just to have greater compassion for others, would I say no? Would I tell Him that was silly? Or try to convince Him there was another, easier, way to learn that same compassion?

The truth is He is here today, asking that of me. And quite often I tell Him no, it's not a good enough reason. But I think I need to start thinking about it from His perspective.

According to an online dictionary, the definition of compassion is the "sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it." It's not just a matter of having sympathy, but the desire to actively alleviate the suffering of others.

Christ gave us the ultimate example of compassion. He died on the cross for our sins to alleviate our ultimate suffering. With that in mind, when He says 'take up your cross and follow me', He's asking us, among other things, to have the same profound desire to alleviate the sufferings of others as He did. In this sense, taking up our cross means more than just being patient or not complaining, it means actively helping to alleviate the suffering of others.

Most of us are probably already doing this by chance, just out of the sheer need to help ourselves. I didn't set out to blog in order to help anyone else, but rather for selfish reasons - to find out information about, at that time, my upcoming surgery (and it's debatable if my rants and complaining help anyone anyway). But is there any one of us who wouldn't sit and counsel someone with infertility who wants our help? Do those of us who have discovered NaPro not want to shout it from the rooftops so others can discover it, too? It's now a natural response to helps others, because we know just how much this hurts.

But not until just now did I even think of compassion in the sense that it may be what we are called to by God. It may be the reason for all of this.

So is it enough? Would I be satisfied if God, Himself, were to tell me the sole reason for my infertility is for me to feel compassion towards others and to, along the way, possibly help alleviate some of their suffering? Well, it'd be easy to tell Him yes to His face, since it'd be a miraculous experience and all! But more importantly, is it enough of a reason if there is no miraculous experience, and this journey of infertility never makes sense otherwise? The answer has to be yes. We are called to follow Christ and to love our fellow man. And if God sees fit to give me a heart for doing just that, then who am I to complain?

Back to me... Sara's writing is always in white!

Who am I to complain? I’d love to tell God that PCOS was a big enough whammy to learn compassion beyond what I already had and He can take the additional whammy of IF and... well, now I’m just bordering on blasphemy and I can’t do that because who am I to think that I can tell God to just do what I want Him to do??? I just hurt so bad. It feels like we’ve been kicked down with one thing after another in this quest to fulfill our love with the creation of a biological child... and it’s about compassion?! I’m not gaining much more compassion that I already have... I’m actually starting to lose it... losing compassion for those that are able to conceive easily, that’s what’s happening.

I’m not saying that Karey has all the answers with her “Compassion Theory”, but it makes one think about it, anyway. I wish I knew how to just let go and rely on God and know that His plan truly is best and right for me. It would really help if I knew what that plan was. It’s hard to flounder and feel like a failure without knowing the reason and justification for it.

I also have to point out one of the comments at the end of her post. It includes the following thought:

On another point, while I have always declared myself pro-life, I feel like my experience with infertility has challenged me to really prove my convictions. Some people seem to think "pro-life" just means having lots of babies. Therefore, I sometimes get questioned by people why I won't do IVF in order to have a child. I find myself being put in a position to defend God's gift of life, without even realizing it. Perhaps God is calling us to be witnesses to that fact that, as much as we want children, we are not willing to sacrifice the sanctity of life in order achieve pregnancy. That is how MUCH we respect the sanctity of life.

I can so totally relate to this. I have always declared myself pro-life, to encompass ALL life, not just the unborn. Pro-life refers to the elderly, the felons on death row, the homeless... but I can relate that it’s given me a different perspective on IVF and other ARTs (artificial reproductive technologies). Gil and I need to consciously examine each treatment we’re presented with to determine if we feel it’s morally justifiable and in line with our views – and God’s views – on life and bringing new life into the world and who/what all should be involved in that.

Click here for the original post at “All You Who Hope”.