One Down, One To Go

Okay, we made it through! Well, made it through the first visit, anyway! We have a chatty sw (social worker) and he was here for 2 1/2 hours! He wants to come a 1/2 hour earlier next Friday when we'll meet again.

It was really painless even though I was a bit nervous. I'm one of those that gets extreme test anxiety so even though I wasn't "worried" about anything, I was still nervous. We did have to separate and answer another sheet of questions about past use of drugs/alcohol and abuse or being abused in relation to sex/drugs/alcohol, past criminal offenses or investigations, etc. Which wasn't hard but my family history is much more "exciting" than Gil's because I come from a somewhat stereotypical Indian reservation extended family with a lot of drug and alcohol abuse in the past. Then we sat down and went through questions that we turned in during the training portion we did last month. He asked if we had an emergency escape plan and when I gave him ours (which I did in power point that I uploaded a pic of our house's floor plan to), he said it's the first one he's ever received in his many years working as sw... literally, the first one! We impressed him. I'm not a type A or anything! :) Then he went for a brief walk through our house (I think he was more impressed with the remodeling we've done than anything else) and checked a fire alarm to make sure it works.

Then back to the questions... got to one about the dogs... he asked if we had any... we said, yes, that's why we asked if you were allergic because they're usually in the house when we're home. Of course, we had them outside when he came because our dogs get a bit excited around strangers. He asked, "So they'd be in here right now if I wasn't here?" "Yes." "Then bring them in." I about fainted. My heart started pounding and I started apologizing in advance for Karma because, at 8 months of age, we're still working on the "off" command in regards to her jumping. He said as long as they don't bite, we'll be fine. Of course they don't bite but I still don't like my dogs jumping on people! I was glad that they settled down relatively quickly and he was able to see their normal lazy house behavior.

The strangest bit of conversation was when he asked us how we met (the internet). He got really interested like most people who scoff at the idea that you can meet "the one" online. Put that together with Gil's history of 2 past marriages (Army life overseas) and I know he's wondering how we'll have any staying power. I tend to get really defensive about that because Gil and I are completely committed and are united with God in our marriage. Everything about the way we met and came together is a total God thing and I don't let a day go by without praising Him for it. Anyway, I think the sw was just amazed that Gil would be willing to commit again after having 2 failed marriages and it brought up a whole conversation by the sw with his own history of not thinking he could ever trust again. Crazy. He was just very chatty.

So that was it. All in all, it went fine and we'll be meeting again next week. He wants to be done with our home visits before he has to teach a class the following the weekend.

I know he wants to talk us into fostering rather than just straight adoption. He said it could take upwards of 4 years to receive a straight adoption placement. My heart is really insecure with the thought of fostering because of the risk. I wish, I wish, I wish I had the money to do an agency adoption. I know the risk is still there - I'm not dumb to that as I've been witness to the suffering of some of my HP sisters who've gone through adoption loss - but I really desire an infant. Really, really bad. And I really don't want to wait another 4 years for a placement that's most likely NOT an infant. I'm starting to become a bit insecure again about what we're doing.

I thank you for your prayers thus far in our journey but I would love it if you would continue them. As well as yesterday went, my insecurities are on the rise again. Thank you.